


Caught between Darkness and the Light

by LM84



Series: It's Safer In the Shadows [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Just Married, M/M, MMA, Married Characters, On the Run, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Rape Recovery, Reunions, Slow Burn, Strong Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2020-06-25 20:46:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19753510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LM84/pseuds/LM84
Summary: Sammy was getting Married. And Dean was best man.So when it came to the bachelor party, there was only one thing for it... VEGAS.A perfect send off to bachelor life for his little brother is soon shaken to the core when Dean is confronted with a face from the past tips his world its head.Left only with his own drunk memory and questioning whether he'd made the whole thing up, Dean is lost. With his brother about to fly half way across the world on honey moon will Dean be able to right his greatest wrong and track down the man who'd grown from the child he let down so long ago?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back guys. 10 years on and what's happened to our boys?

Dean was having a great night. He’d succeeding in getting Sammy to crack more than 3 smiles in the last hour, make him exceedingly uncomfortable on several occasions and every member of the bachelor party absolutely hammered. What else was a best man supposed to do?

Dean was no exception, as they hobbled back to the hotel at some early hour of the morning he realised he was rather excessively drunk and the hangover he’d be nursing in the morning would be something to tell the grandkids about. It seemed there were quite a few other guests who were in a similar state. Well, it was Vegas after all!

The hotel manager, a short British man with blond hair and a bit of an attitude, was seemingly not very impressed with the level of inebriation present either. The guy looked stoned half the time himself, so he was probably just annoyed he couldn’t be part of the party. Dean had decided he didn’t like him. Guy was pompous and smarmy and wouldn’t give them a free refill of the minibar in their room, even though he’d tried to flaunt the fact his little brother was getting married tommorow. Douche bag.

Sam had not been very pleased at the choice of Bachelor party venue, but since Jess had wanted to get married in the Zion National Park, it was too good an opportunity to miss. He was so proud of his little brother, something which in his drunken state he’d slurred at Sam at least twice an hour since they’d arrived, but just because he was intoxicated enough to admit it, didn’t mean it was any less true. Jess was a lovely girl and so good for Sam. They’d met at College and she’d helped his little brother through some really tough times when Dean, hadn’t really been there. He wasn’t proud of that, but he was thankful for Jess.

Dean’s one failure as a best man was that, despite his best efforts, Sam himself hadn’t got much more than tipsy. Damn boy was too sensible for his own good, some rubbish about not wanting to be hung over on his wedding day. Boring! So, having romped around the city, hustled a few people at pool and even won a couple of hundred on the poker tables, they had wandered back to the hotel they were staying at as the night wound slowly to a close.

There had been significantly more of them when they set out, where Sam’s college friends had wandered off to, he wasn’t quite sure, but now it was just Dean, Sam and Garth as they staggered into the lobby. Garth, hammered off his two beers and a shot, trundled off towards the party going on in the hotel bar where two guys were getting into an altercation with the bar staff. And wasn’t that a recipe for disaster?

“No, no, no, no more for you Garth.” Dean grabbed the skinny man by the shoulders and hauled him back to the group

“Oh, come on Dean.” Garth whined.

“Nope, it’s 4am that’s bed time for all of you, especially you Sammy you’re getting married in the morning!”

“Jess’ going to be so mad if she finds out you dragged me to that strip club.” Sam groaned.

“Dude, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Garth whooped.

“Yeah, besides, you were the most frigid in there man, the point was you were supposed to have fun!” Dean rolled his eyes.

There was a sudden gasp of shock as one of the drunk thugs having a standoff with a gangly bartender took a swing and clocked the poor kid in the jaw. The twig of a bartender slammed hard into the floor, trying to crawl his way out of danger before the man could take another swing.

“Shit!” Dean hissed, as things started to escalate. A man in a suit flew across the room as the out of control 6ft 2 hunk of drunken muscle went off at another guest who had been trying to hold him back.

The man in the suit put a firm hand on the man’s shoulder. He was a good 2 inches shorter and a lot smaller in his build, but despite that, when the man swung at him he dodged it easily and hit back, hard. The resounding crack shook the room and the onlookers gasped as the drunken guest fell to the floor, knocked out cold.

“Damn!” Dean scoffed in approval. “Don’t pick a fight when he’s around.”

“No kidding.” Sam chuckled.

“That’s the hotel security guard. He’s a nice piece of ass I met him this morning!” Garth hummed.

“Garth!” Sam protested. “You don’t even swing that way!”

“So?” Garth shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate.” Garth giggled. “Besides, you’re getting married I was being a wingman for Dean!”

“Well you did well Garth, I approve.” Dean agreed eyeing the guy hungrily. “It’s a very, very nice ass.”

“Dean! Not you too.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“What? I’m bi and proud, just cos you can’t appreciate…” The man turned sideways, and Dean caught the profile of his face. Dean’s blood ran cold, he suddenly felt all too sober.

“Dean you ok?” Sam asked in concern. His brother looked like he was about to hurl and he wasn’t spending the night before his wedding clearing up after his brother’s vomit.

No. it couldn’t be. Dean thought as he scrutinised the security from across the lobby. He was drunk, he was seeing things, he had to be… Before he could a thorough double check the man had already turned his back and was walking away.

“Yeah, Yeah, fine. Just wayyy too much to drink, time for bed.”

…………………………………….


	2. Chapter 2

Cas had seen them arrive. The Winchesters. The bloody Winchesters were in Vegas and at his goddamn work. Of all the hotels in all the cities in the damn country, they’d walked in here! Why on earth was this happening?

As he went about his morning shift, trying to avoid them was easy enough. Thankfully security guards blend in, that’s their job after all, to be invisible until they were needed. The pair of them must have walked right by him a dozen times and not so much as looked at him. He was thankful, very thankful. It wasn’t that he held a grudge, or didn’t want to see them as such… Of all his old life, despite how it had ended, they were the best part of an otherwise grim existence. He’d run for a reason after all. But, he was a different person to who he’d been back then, and they were a reminder of something he’d much rather forget. He had to leave that life behind, there was no going back, only forwards.

And he’d thought he’d got away with it, until it all started kicking off at the end of his shift. Some guy floored poor Samandriel and he’d had to step in. Out of the corner of his eye he’d seen Dean, looking straight at him. Drunk or not, the man had recognised him. He was busted. His face and body had changed a lot in the last 10 years, but clearly not enough to fool the man across the lobby. He just had to hope that Dean was so drunk he wouldn’t remember. But knowing his luck… he sighed as he was finally relieved from duty and headed to the back office. He needed ice and a wrap for his hand and he’d have to fill out a report justifying his actions… Then he’d have to speak with the hotel manager. In short he was going to be there for hours

“Turner, you in here?”

Cas sighed as he rubbed his aching knuckles. It had been a familiar feeling all his life, enough so that he knew they weren’t broken this time. “Yes Sir.” He answered. The hotel manager was a friend, but that didn’t mean he wanted to see him right now.

“You put a call in to the police?” The manager asked.

“Yes, there was a disturbance, I handled it, but forgot to cancel the call. I will go talk to them.”

“Do you need a doctor?” The manager asked, concerned.

“No, I don’t think it is broken.” Cas sighed.

“Regardless Steve, there’s protocol and I’m hardly going to take your word for it. We all know what your idea of ‘I’m fine’ equates to.”

“I will seek medical attention after I file my report.” Cas conceded tiredly.

“What happened?” The manager asked gently, sitting down in the chair next to him.

“A drunk guest became violent, hitting Samandriel and a number of other guests. I stepped in, tried to calmly resolve the situation. When that become impossible I attempted to restrain him and then when he attacked me I punched him in the face.”

“That doesn’t quite fit in with reasonable force.” He sighed.

“It was self-defence.”

“It leaves us open for a lawsuit.”

“He hit Samandriel.” Cas protested.

“Turner… if he sues, its going to be hard to keep you on, you know that.”

“He won’t sue if he knows whats good for him.” Cas, or Steve as he was now know growled.

“Steve! Look, I’m doing my best for you here, what’s up with you today?”

“I’m sorry.” Cas closed his eyes in frustration. “It’s just… there’s someone here, a guest.”

“Someone from your past?” His boss nodded in realisation, putting an arm round Cas’ shoulders in support running his other hand through Cas’ hair. Cas hated being weak like this… he’d promised he’d never let himself be weak again not after his childhood, but Zar had a way of making him feel better that he couldn’t help but give in to.

“Yes.” Cas admitted, putting a hand on his boss’ in thanks and sighing deeply.

“You don’t have to be the ice man all the time you know.” The manager, Balthazar sighed. “I’m here to help you Steve.”

“I know, it’s just…” Cas growled in frustration.

“It’s ok I understand.” Balthazar soothed. “Take a few days, get yourself sorted. I’ll get Bella to calm this guy down convince him not to sue.”

“Thanks, Zar.” Cas smiled weakly.

“Yeah, no worries, get some rest, just buy me lunch later.”

“Yeah sure, O’Malley’s?”

“You betcha. 12pm.”

…………………………………..

Dean sat at breakfast checking the faces of every member of staff that walked past. He’d been hella drunk last night, and barely remembered any of it, but he did remember one thing, it was seared into his brain and the more he replayed it the more he was certain.

That security guard from last night. His jaw was sharper, his face more filled and defined with a few days stubble, but that profile and that flash of blue eyes… he could of sworn the guy he’s seen was Castiel.

“What the hell is wrong with you man, I’m getting married in 8 hours and you’re staring off into space like you’ve seen a ghost.” Sam grunted as he waited for his vegan porridge while Dean stuffed his face with bacon.

“Sorry man, I’m here I promise.” Dean yawned.

“No, you’re not.” Sam said knowingly. “What’s wrong?”

“That security guard from last night… I caught a glance of his face and I could have sworn…”

“Security guard? Sorry I’m a little fuzzy.”

“You’re fuzzy? You were the least drunk of the lot of us!” Dean scoffed. “You have to remember the drunk guy in the hotel bar who got wiped on his ass.”

“I must have been more hammered than I thought.” Sam frowned for a moment and Dean tried not to grin. He may have snuck one or two shots in Sam’s low alcohol beers at points, it seems his plan had paid off. “Oh yeah I remember, dude who you and Garth were drooling over?”

“Yes… I could have sworn it was…” Dean stopped and shook his head. “No doesn’t matter. I was drunk, it can’t have been.”

“Who Dean?” Sam demanded in exasperation.

“Cas.” Dean sighed eventually. “I thought it was Cas.”

“Cas?” Sam asked in confusion. “Castiel Novak, Cas? From high school?”

“Yeah Cas Novak.” Dean sighed, shaking his head.

“Are you sure? You were pretty hammered.”

“I know and no, of course I’m not sure. But the more I replay it the more I see him, the more convinced I am that I was right.”

“Dean, it’s probably just guilt playing tricks on you.” Sam said gently.

“Yeah, I know, but what if it isn’t. What if he’s really here?”

“Dean… “Sam sighed. “None of us ever said it, and I don’t want to say this now I really don’t, but when a 16-year-old abused kid runs away and isn’t seen for 10 years… they don’t usually last very long Dean and they don’t become security guards in 5-star hotels, half away across the county.”

“I know that.” Dean said solemnly a little darkness flashing in his eyes. “But can it hurt to check, you know?”

Sam sighed again. Dean wasn’t going to let this go. “Ok, let’s go to the bar, see if there’s any staff for you to chat up.” Sam rolled his eyes. They just had to get enough info to prove Dean wrong and get him to drop this.

……………….

“Woah that’s quite a shiner.” Sam hissed in sympathy at the bartender. He was a young gangly man, cleaning glasses with a cloth and wearing a name badge that read Alfie. “You must be the guy from last night?” Sam tried.

“Yeah, that’s me, but sorry dude, the bar isn’t open yet.”

“Yeah, no that’s not why I’m here, my brother over there…” Sam pointed to Dean, who was stood a few feet away shuffling nervously. “He’s got a bit of a thing for the security guard from last night, was wondering if he was on shift again today.”

“Oh, ah, ermmm, ok… I shouldn’t really, I mean I don’t even know if he swings your brother’s way.” Alfie stammered.

“Yeah, he knows that’s a risk, but he’d rather find out for himself.” Sam shrugged.

“Well give me a sec…” Alfie pulled out his phone, presumably to check the roster. “He’s supposed to be on tonight but he was scratched off, probably because of last night.” The kid rolled his eyes.

“Oh shame, well thanks I guess, I’ll tell him it’s a bust, we leave town tommorow.”

“Well you could try O’Malley’s.” Alfie offered. “It’s a bar and diner round the corner, most of us eat lunch there when we’re not on shift.”

“Thanks man. Feel better.” Sam smiled and then turned to walk back to Dean.

“So?” Dean asked eagerly.

“He’s not on shift again today, but there’s a bar round the corner we could try, but we can’t sit there all day, I need to get ready and we set off in 3 hours, no later.”

“Yeah, yeah sure, don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

“We can’t just ditch Garth and Benny.” Sam realised with a groan.

“Man, Benny disappeared at like 3am, he’s probably still shacked up with that chick Andrea and Garth will be passed out till we leave.”

“And we have to pick Bobby and Ellen up from the airport.” Sam reminded.

“OK, Ok Mr. Schedule we’ll get it all done, and I know it’s a long shot I just have to try ok?”

“Yeah I know Dean, I know, and I miss him too you know.”

“Yeah.” Dean sighed. ‘But you didn’t ruin his life, I did.’ Went unsaid.

…………………………….


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its short but better than nothing. Next chapter is nearly ready too.

“Where are your shoes Steve?”

“Couldn’t find them.” Cas grunted at Balthazar as he waddled across the bar towards the off-shift hotel manager with tired hooded eyes.

“Are you drunk?” He scoffed, half amused and half in disbelief.

“No.” Cas bumped into the table and staggered grunting as he slumped into the booth and put his head on the table. “Yes.” He groaned.

“Mate.” Zar chuckled and Cas looked up at him, face void of amusement. Zar’s stomach dropped when he saw the dark stain of a bruise on Steve’s cheekbone. “What happened to your face.” He asked calmly.

“It is not of import.” Cas slurred.

Balthazar’s face darkened. “Have you been fighting again?”

“No, I was betting on fights.”

“Really and who we’re you betting on?”

“Myself.” Cas grunted.

“For God’s sake Steve, you’re going to get yourself killed.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

Zar took a breath to calm himself. He hated Steve fighting God knew the man was good at it, but when he was in this sort of mood getting at him was a one-track guarantee of getting him to shut down. Whoever these people from his past were, it was really fucking with his head.

“Bela sorted it by the way, you didn’t need to do that, your job is safe.” He reasoned.

“I knew she would and thank you, but I was coming up short anyway.”

“If you’re coming up short, you come to me Steve, not get the shit beaten out of you in some fight club!” He sighed.

“It’s all I’m good for.” Cas (Steve) said sadly and Zar stood up moving to the other side of the booth and pulling the man in for a hug.

“No, it’s not.” He said softly. “It never has been ok, you’re just having a shitty time.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I was over this.” Cas sighed, a single tear running down his cheek.

“You never get over shit like this Steve. Your Uncle, My Dad… They scarred us for life, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be strong enough to bear those scars.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“That face from the past really getting to you?”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, let’s get you cleaned up for a start and then we’ll talk this out over food, ok? I bet you haven’t slept either?”

“No.”

“Sean? First aid kit?” Zar waved over to the bartender. It was quiet at this time of day and it was the sort of place that only really had regulars. Everyone knew everyone here and they looked out for each other.

“Here.” Sean smiled, bringing it over to their booth, patting Cas on the back. “Feel better Steve.” He said sincerely.

“Thanks.” Cas sighed.

“How’s the other guy look?” Asked another guy they knew, Caleb, sat across the bar.

Cas chuckled lowly. “Ask the ER Nurse.”

“Atta boy.” Sean patted Cas heavily on the back as Caleb chuckled, before Zar led him into the bathroom.

…………………..

It was a weird place, Sam thought as they entered O’Malley’s at 12:30. It was quiet, and all things considered a bit of a dive. The regulars clearly weren’t used to new faces either, judging by the way Sam and Dean were being stared at. This had been a bad idea, Sam decided. This was the sort of place you leave with a black eye if you so much as look at someone wrong, and he was not getting married with his face smashed up.

The bar tender looked at Dean a little suspiciously as he placed their food order, but from what Sam could see of their interaction he seemed a nice enough guy and Dean quickly had him warming to him. Sam undoubtedly would have put his foot in it and caused some sort of riot. Dean was worryingly at home in places like this, yes, the roadhouse was rough around the edges, but this place felt like the home of some Irish mob.

“We have to go in 40 minutes Dean, no argument.” Sam looked at his brother sadly, who was eagerly scanning every face in the bar in the hope that one of them might be their long-lost friend. Sam hoped to God that Cas, wherever he was, was doing well, that he had a life, a home, two kids a dog and the white picket fence. But Sam hadn’t lied to his brother earlier and he wasn’t going to lie to himself, Castiel Novak was either homeless or dead. That was just the likely outcome.

So, when a tall, shaggily dressed man, with messy raven hair and cuts all over face walked into the room, laughing with a guy they both recognised as the hotel manager, Sam’s jaw dropped half way to the floor.

“Cas!” Dean was on his feet, stood in shock, his face filled with indistinguishable emotion.

“Castiel?” Sam finally found his voice, but it was hoarse and shocked. “Holy Shit.”

Blue eyes locked onto them in shock, which quickly turned to horror and then pure fear. The shorter blonde man looked equally confused at his friend’s reaction but stepped in protectively to put something between Cas and the ‘strangers.’

“Fuck.” Cas breathed and just as quickly as he’d appeared he was gone.

…………………………………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Duhhhh


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this fic is shorter chapters, but I'd rather get them out to you regularly.

_Sam hoped to God that Cas, wherever he was, was doing well, that he had a life, a home, two kids a dog and the white picket fence. But Sam hadn’t lied to his brother earlier and he wasn’t going to lie to himself, Castiel Novak was either homeless or dead. That was just the likely outcome._

_So, when a tall, shaggily dressed man, with messy raven hair and cuts all over face walked into the room, laughing with a guy they both recognised as the hotel manager, Sam’s jaw dropped half way to the floor._

_“Cas!” Dean was on his feet, stood in shock, his face filled with indistinguishable emotion._

_“Castiel?” Sam finally found his voice, but it was hoarse and shocked. “Holy Shit.”_

_Blue eyes locked onto them in shock, which quickly turned to horror and then pure fear. The shorter blonde man looked equally confused at his friend’s reaction, but stepped in protectively to put something between Cas and the ‘strangers.’_

_“Fuck.” Cas breathed and just as quickly as he’d appeared he was gone._

“Shit.” Dean grunted as Cas flew out the back door. The whole bar was now confused and on high alert, assembling threateningly around the strangers… but Dean didn’t seem to notice. The second Cas took off, so did Dean, darting in the direction Cas had gone and running into something hard which brought him to a halt.

“Where do you think you’re going sunshine?” The Bar tender, who Sam could now see was nearly his height and consequently towering over Dean threateningly.

“Get out of my way!” Dean yelled, shoving the man in the chest and Sam swore internally, rushing towards his brother.

“I don’t think so Sonny Jim.” The bar tender growled, hands curling into fists.

“Sonny Jim?” Dean scoffed.

“Dean stop… you are not being my best man if you’ve got a black eye or missing teeth.” Sam growled at his brother, pulling him away from the conflict.

“But Sam…” Dean protested.

“I know Dean, but not like this ok. Take a breath.” Sam hissed into his brother’s ear, turning to the man in front of him. “Sorry about my brother, we’re just going to get out of here ok?”

“Yeah, you better. I don’t want to see either of you back here, or in my hotel.” The hotel manager growled.

“It’s ok Balth, I’ve got these clowns.” The wall-of-muscle bar tender huffed.

‘Balth’ or whatever he was called, nodded and turned to walk off in the direction Cas had left.

“Walk away Dean.” Sam hissed in his brother’s ear, grabbing him firmly by the upper arm and pulling him towards the door. Dean resisted for a moment, but finally followed his brother’s lead as they retreated nervously out of O’Malley’s.

…………………………….

“Steve!” Balthazar called as he barged his way out into the back alley. It didn’t take him long to find the man. Steve had collapsed onto his knees just down the alleyway behind a dumpster and was tearing at his hair.

Zar quickly knelt down in front of him, putting a grounding hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Breathe, breathe, I’ve got you, you’re ok?”

“Fucks sake. I knew I should have run, I have to run, I…” Steve trembled.

“Breathe Steve, just breathe. Sean is holding back those guys, you’re safe ok.”

“I can’t… I can’t go back… I had to leave, I had to get away… I…”

Zar crawled behind Steve, pulling him back into his arms and holding him tightly. “It’s ok, I’ve got you.” He sighed sadly. Running a tender hand through the shaking man’s hair as he slowly calmed him. Steve hadn’t had an attack like this in years and it was to be honest a little bit frightening to Zar. He hated seeing the man like this, his past made Zar’s own tormented life look like paradise and he even when they’d first met all these years ago, Steve had been so strong. It was moments like these he was reminded how frighteningly human Steve really was. How they all were.

“You ok?” He asked gently as Steve’s breathing started to level out.

Cas sighed tiredly and nodded.

“Who were they?” Zar asked. There were no secrets between them, they’d promised each other that a long time ago.

“They are… were Friends, Sam and Dean Winchester, I was at school with them, before I ran away, when things started to get bad.”

“He’s the one isn’t he? Dean? The one who turned on you.”

“Yes.”

“I should have gutted him.”

“Zar, please… I can’t… I need…” Steve panted again, the shiver not leaving his frame.

“Ok Steve, Ok, what do you need?”

“I want to get out of here.”

“We can do that. Yours or mine?”

“Yours.” Steve sighed. “Do you have anything on you?”

“Not on me now, no, but I do at my apartment.”

Steve nodded and closed his eyes.

“Come on, we’ll take my car, you’re in no state to drive.”

……………………………

“Sam, Dean why the hell are you so late!” Bobby hissed as the pair finally turned up at the airport They’d been waiting almost an hour since their flight landed and time was getting tight to get the wedding on time.

“I am so sorry, Ellen, Bobby…” Sam said with a sigh, while Dean seemed preoccupied with his phone and was looking very pale.

“You’re getting married in 3 hours and you’re not even dressed boy!” Ellen scolded.

“I know, I know something happened… we got caught up.” Sam sighed.

“Happened?”

“Yeah, ermmm… come on, we’ll talk and walk.” Sam gestured, taking Ellen’s bags while Dean jumped into action taking Bobby’s and they headed to the impala.

……………………………….

“You found him? You found Castiel.” Ellen said

“Well stumbled onto him anyway.” Sam smiled weakly, gripping the door tightly as Dean took another corner way too fast. The best man doing his best to get them there on time.

“Yeah, he’s alive, he looked good actually, really, really good.” Dean exhaled.

“Dean.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Apart from his bashed-up face you mean.”

“Well some things never change.” Bobby grunted.

“So, what are you going to do?” Ellen asked Dean.

“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged.

“Track him down Dean. It’ll give you something to do until I get back from my honeymoon.” Sam suggested.

“What if he doesn’t want to be found?” Dean sighed.

“I am pretty sure he doesn’t want to be by the way he just disappeared.” Sam scoffed.

“Well then maybe we should just leave him alone.” Dean shrugged sadly.

“Bullshit Boy, this aint you.” Bobby growled. “You track down that damn boy and close the chapter that’s been haunting us all for years.”

“Yes sir.” Dean chuckled.

“Dean it’s left here!” Sam yelled and Dean slammed on the brakes, earning them a horn blast as he swung the car round the tight turn.

………………………………….

The wedding had been beautiful. Even Dean could admit that. Jess had looked drop dead gorgeous and he was so proud of his little brother. But he just couldn’t focus properly. Half his head was thinking about Cas and there was nothing he could do about it. He’d nearly missed his cue on the rings, but thankfully snapped himself out of it. Sam had given him a sympathetic smile, but Dean felt horrible. This was his baby brother’s wedding and he was only half present, nothing should be more important to him than this right now.

There wasn’t much of a reception. It wasn’t Sam or Jess’ thing, they didn’t like a fuss. Of course they’d hung around after the ceremony, had the first dance and a few drinks, but within a couple of hours they were changed and heading for the airport in the back of the impala with Dean as their chauffeur. Wedding day or not, Sammy wasn’t driving Baby.

When they arrived at the airport, Dean helped Sam unload the bags and gave his brother a big hug before they disappeared inside.

“I’m so proud of you Sammy.” He said, tears pricking at his eyes.

“Thank you, Dean.” Sam sighed happily. “Now when I come back I expect to hear all about how you found Cas, ok?”

“Ok Sammy I’ll try.”

…………………………….


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! Sorry about the delay guys... will probably be another month before I can get anything more out because I have exams coming whoopee.

Dean couldn’t think twice about this, if he did, he’d back out. It hadn’t taken much to track down the hotel manager who’d been with Cas in the bar the other day, one Balthazar Milton. What sort of a name was that anyway? I had been even easier to find out when he was on shift, seeing it was pretty much always. But Dean was going to be discrete, making a massive fuss in the hotel lobby was bound to get security on his ass.

“Milton.” Dean barked as the man stepped out having finished his shift for the night. The man took one look at the towering 6-foot 2 figure of Dean Winchester marching towards him and did the opposite of what Dean had expected. He stopped, folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

“Figured you turn up sooner or later.”

“Excuse me?” Dean scoffed.

“You, turning up here to ask me all about Steve and where you can find him… Well I’m sorry you’re wasting your time.”

“I’m not here to hurt C… Steve or whatever he calls himself. I just want to talk to him.”

“And he’s not interested.” Balthazar shrugged and pushed Dean aside to start walking away.

“Hey, hang on a second…”

“What makes you think you have any right to come here asking questions?”

“Because we were friends once and he just took off…”

“Hardly sounds like you were friends.” Balthazar shook his head.

“What would you know?” Dean scoffed. “You don’t even know his real name, he’s not called Steve, his name’s...”

“Castiel Novak.” Balthazar finished easily.

“What?”

“His name is Castiel James Novak.” Zar repeated. “I know his real name. I know where he was born, all the places he lived. I know about his family. I know what happened to his parents and about his Uncle. I know who his brothers are. And judging by the look on your face you don’t even know half the story. But me and Steve, we know everything about each other… And I know about you, Dean Winchester. What do you know about him?”

For a moment Dean had no idea what to say. “If you know so much about me then you know how badly I screwed up and I never got the chance to make it up to him. All I want is to talk to him, make things right. If he never wants to see me beyond that I’ll respect that.”

“Will you? Truly?”

“Yes.” Dean said, though Baltazar remained unconvinced.

“I’m not giving you anything unless he wants me to.” Balthazar shrugged, marking the conversation as over.

“Great, just great. Thanks for nothing.” Dean huffed, kicking a bin hard in frustration as the man walked away.

“Winchester.” Dean spun on his heels the hotel manager called after him.

“What?” Dean asked eagerly. Had he had a change of heart?

“Give me your number.” The man demanded.

“Why?” Dean asked, eyes narrowed.

“Give me your number and if he wants to get in touch, I can call you.”

“Really?”

“Not promising anything Winchester, its an if and quite frankly if I were you, I wouldn’t hang around. You won’t be hearing from him.”

…………………………………….

Dean downed his 5th purple-nurple and the room started spinning. So, Cas now had his number, but everything else was a bust. Steve Turner was the name Cas was going by, but he had no listed address, no credit cards, no phone, no nothing. One thing was for sure, Cas knew how to be a ghost. He’d moved into a cheap motel, it felt more like home in a strange way and he knew Cas wouldn’t be showing up for work at the hotel while Dean was still in town. He threw a few notes over the bar and staggered to his feet. Checking his phone, he realised it was dead as a doornail, probably had been most of the day. He hadn’t charged it for a few days, Sam would be worried.

He stepped out into the alley with a slight sway and was unpleasantly assaulted with the coldness of the night.

“Thought the desert was supposed to be hot.” He grumbled to himself.

“You’re not going to stop are you.” A deep, gravelly voice came out of the dark.

Dean turned sharply, the world spinning as he made out a figure in the darkness. The adrenaline quickly started to sober him up and he grabbed a length of pipe to defend himself.

“Who the fuck… Cas?”

“I don’t go by that name anymore Dean.” The second time of speaking confirmed the voice in Dean’s mind.

“Jesus Christ man, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Didn’t your friend give you my number?”

“I don’t need your number to find you, Dean and I hardly think a simple message would have satisfied you enough for you to leave me alone.”

“And that’s what you want, for me to go away?”

“Dean I’d feel much more comfortable talking to you if you put the pipe down.” Cas said, completely levelly.

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Dean said, dropping the metal with a clatter.

“So, what do you want?” Cas asked, a little coldly and it sent a shiver down Dean’s spine. Cas’ voice was… Chilling. A far cry from the boy Dean had known. Everything about Cas was a far cry from the boy he knew before. As his eyes had adjusted to the dark, he could make out more of the guy he’d once known. His presence was commanding, intimidating even; so much so that Dean felt cold to the core.

He may still be a few inches shorter than Dean, but he was strongly built now, broad shouldered, thick arms visible in the t-shirt he was wearing despite the chill of the night air. But there was one thing that hadn’t changed, and that was those eyes. Still so piercing, blue and full of… something undeterminable. Way back when, Dean would have said they were full of life, but now they looked dulled, pained even and it made Dean look down in shame. He was at least partly responsible for that.

“Dean… what do you want?” Cas repeated.

“Ermm,” Dean stammered, realising he’d not answered in favour of staring at Cas. “Where you been, I guess… How have you been? And can you ever forgive me I suppose?”

“I forgave you a long time ago Dean. I thought I told you that?”

“You did? I mean you said you weren’t mad at me… I just… you still left Cas!”

“I had to do what was right for me.” Cas shrugged, pushing off the wall he was casually leant on to stand up straight

“And was it? Right for you I mean?”

“It was hard. Harder than you can ever imagine. But I’m still here.”

“That doesn’t really answer my question.” Dean said tentatively.

“No, I suppose it doesn’t.” Cas shrugged and Dean resisted the urge to scoff at his bluntness.

“Who’s this Balthazar dude?” Dean tried instead.

“The closest thing I’ve ever had to family.”

“So, you trust him, right? How long have you known him?”

“If you are trying to insinuate that I’m incapable of judging the character of those close to me, you have no right.”

“I know and I wasn’t… I just...” Dean sighed. Why was he so rubbish with words?

“If you must know, Zar has shown me more kindness than ever human being I’ve ever known.” Cas said fondly. “We care for each other deeply.”

“You, wait… you care for each other?”

“Yes.” Cas said, simply.

“So, he’s your boyfriend?”

“No Dean, well actually I suppose… This is none of your business.” Cas growled defensively.

“So, what, you’re together? You’re not together? I’m confused. You have slept with him?” Dean asked in disbelief. He just couldn’t see Cas with that smarmy dick. Hell he couldn’t see Cas as Gay.

“Yes Dean, we’ve been intimate on several occasions, but our relationship is not like that …”

“Then what is it like?” Dean scoffed.

“We’re like brothers Dean.”

“Oh, and you fuck your brothers?”

Pain exploded in Dean’s face and before he could realise what happened he was on his ass on the concrete. As the world cleared, he touched a hand to his face, pulling it away to see the blood from his aching nose.

“Fuck you Dean Winchester.”

“Cas…” Dean called futilely. God why was he such an idiot!

“Stay away from me Winchester. Believe me, if I see you again you will regret it.”

…………………………………..

Cas was exhausted by the time he got back to Balthazar’s apartment. Part of him had wanted to his own place and drink himself into oblivion, but he knew Zar would only have turned up and dragged him out of his pit anyway. And he didn’t want him to worry. He was surprised to find the door open before he could even get the key in the lock and there was Zar, fully dressed with the worried look on his face that Cas hated to see.

“I was going to come look for you… I was worried.”

“Sorry Zar, I should have called.” Cas sighed. “I’m fine” He smiled weakly. “Just tired.”

Zar put a hand on his shoulder and looked him up and down in that way only he could. He had no idea how Zar read him so well, he was like an open book to him.

“No, you’re not.” Zar said with a small smile. Cas knew there was no point denying it, he didn’t want to either. “What do you need?” He asked, pulling Cas in closer, running a hand down his arm comfortingly.

“I don’t know.” Cas shrugged. “It’s not that bad Zar honest, I’m not going to lose it or anything.”

“I know.” Zar said fondly, running a hand through Cas’ hair softly and the taller man leant into the touch. “But you’re shaken up Angel, you have been since he first got here.” Zar soothed. “Do you need to talk?” He asked cupping Cas’ face in one hand.

“No. Not yet.” Cas said, looking down.

“That’s ok.” Zar nodded. “You are strong Angel, but you don’t have to be round me you know that.”

“I know.”

“So, what do you need?” Zar smiled again and Cas fisted his hand into his shirt moving into him.

“Just stay with me.” Cas asked with a sigh.

“Of course. Bed?”

“Yeah.”

They moved into the bedroom, Zar leading Cas by the wrist. He zoned out a little as he fiddled with his shoe laces. By the time he’d got one shoe off Zar was in nothing but his underwear and Cas blinked, wondering where the time had gone.

“Let me.” Zar offered and Cas did. His shoes and socks disappeared in a blink, the shirt went over his head and was replaced with gentle touches and caring hands. He just let Zar take over, he couldn’t think right now there was too much in his head, so he let himself drift. He could trust Zar to take care of him, to not cross any lines, to make him feel wanted, like he wasn’t alone.

“You with me?”

He wasn’t sure how long it had been, but Zar’s voice gently pulled him away from his thoughts and he found himself lying in bed, chest to chest with the one person he could trust. They were only in their boxers, pressed closed together, skin on skin but it wouldn’t go any further, not tonight.

“I’m with you.” Cas breathed tiredly.

“This ok?” Zar asked and only now did Cas realised that he had fingers running calmingly through his hair and probably had done for some time.

“What are we Zar?” Cas asked, voice cracking a little.

“Nothing that can be labelled.”

“Is it wrong?”

“Is what wrong?” Balthazar asked with a confused and concerned frown.

“I don’t love you… not like that I…”

“Castiel I told you.”

“Please don’t call me that, not today.”

“I’m sorry. I understand. Steve?” He offered.

“No, it doesn’t feel right, nothing feels right I…”

“Shhh, its ok. You went by Jimmy back in Detroit, will that do? At least its part of your name.”

“Yeah, that’s better.” Cas sighed burying his face deep into Zar’s shoulder.

“Oh Angel.” Zar sighed sadly, soothing his back in circles before he answered his question. “We have a bond yes and no its not romantic. It’s not something that can be labelled, its not something that can be explained and its definitely not something wrong.” He said firmly. “You’re not wrong Jimmy, we’re not wrong, what has happened in our lives is wrong.” He soothed. “This asshole has really got to you hadn’t he?”

“It didn’t go well.” Cas grumbled. “He was an ass-butt.”

Zar smiled weakly. Things may have gone badly tonight but that word spoke volumes. Castiel never called people he didn’t like an ass-butt, yes it was a term to express his anger, but he only used it when referring to people he at least partially cared about. Everyone else got plain old asshole. Ass-butt was usually reserved for Balthazar, or Meg, but it seemed Dean fitted into that category.

“Well I’m sorry. I really am, he seemed genuine when I spoke to him or I never would have told you.”

“He probably meant it. Dean never thinks before he speaks, he’s not changed in that respect.”

“Do you need to talk about what happened yet?”

“Maybe tommorow, just want to sleep… forget.”

“Ok angel. I’ve got you. You sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Dean, Dean, Dean... not a good start. Thank Chuck for Balthazar though.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, sorry for the wait. Blame Uni and my lack of forward planning for this fic. Seriously guys, never start a fic without at least an idea of where the plot is going.  
> I have a much better idea now so not to worry.
> 
> Made some typo changes to the last chapter and edited this one up so fingers crossed you enjoy. sorry its so short.

“Dean. What the hell you doing drinking in the middle of the day boy?.” Bobby’s gruff voice broke Dean out of his semi-drunk stupor and he looked up in surprise. He’d been hopping bar to bar ever since last night, not drinking so much as to lose control, but enough to keep himself in the sort of haze that would usually be so pleasant. But not today.

“Bobby?” Dean asked, now utterly confused. The wedding had been two, maybe three days ago now… “I thought you guy’s would have flown straight back?”

“What? And make a 4-hour flight just for a day trip? I don’t think so. We were going to go on a little road trip, but I got a worried text from your brother saying you weren’t answering your phone.”

“I’m Sorry, I…” Dean sighed. He had no excuses. Not only had he ruined any chance at reconciling with Cas but he was ruining his brother’s damn honeymoon by making him worried. “How did you find me?”

“Traced your cell you Idjit.” Bobby grunted, sliding ungracefully onto the stool next to Dean and taking the drink from the younger man’s hand, before proceeding to drink it himself. Dean opened his mouth to protest, but knew it was no use. “So, I’m guessing this means you screwed the pooch with Cas.”

“Hard, Bobby.” Dean sighed. “I… well put it this way, he ain’t going to want anything to do with me ever again.”

“I’m sorry boy.” Bobby said sincerely. “But I’m going to ask you, what did you expect from this?”

“I don’t know Bobby. We spent all that time worrying, thinking he was dead, knowing it was all my fault…”

“Wasn’t your fault Boy, you made a mistake, yes, we all made mistakes when it came to Castiel, but you are not responsible for his decisions. We've been through this.”

“I can’t accept that Bobby.” Dean sighed.

“You never could.” Bobby sighed himself, sadly. “So…”

“So, I suppose if you’d asked me a week ago, I would have given anything to know he was alive and well, and had a job and all that…”

“But now you know he’s alive, you want more.”

“I want my friend back, but he’s not the same Bobby.”

“Course he ain’t.” Bobby snapped. “He’s 10years older, not a kid anymore and been fending for himself all this time. But you ain’t the same either Dean, but one thing that time can’t change is the people we are underneath. Yes we’ve all changed, but at the same time, we haven’t.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway. He’s done with me.” Dean said gloomily.

“I’m not going to ask what happened, but how did you meet him?”

“I found the manager at the hotel and asked for a way to contact him. He took my number and then Cas found me outside the bar.”

“He never contacted you?”

“No.”

“Did you find out anything else?”

“Bobby, he doesn’t want to talk to me, he doesn’t want to be found.”

“I know he doesn’t want to talk to _you_ Dean, but has it crossed your mind that you might not be the only one who needs to talk to him and make amends?” Bobby growled.

“You want to talk to him?"

“If I can find him, yes. And if he wants to be left alone then we’ll all respect that, ok?”

“Yeah, sure. His name is Steve Turner, or at least that’s what he’s going by. No address listed or anything though.”

“Ok.” Bobby nodded, committing the information to memory. “You got a place to stay?”

“Yeah, checked into the hotel on 95 for a week.”

“OK, let’s go.” Bobby ordered, guiding the slightly wobbly Dean to his feet and settling the tab before there could be any chance for arguments.

……………………………………………..

Cas sighed as he put the keys in the bowl by his apartment door. He had felt better after spending the night with Zar, but he still felt churned up. Dean’s presence was driving him up the wall. He couldn’t get the man out of his thoughts, despite the fact he had been a total arse Cas knew he hadn’t meant it, that was just Dean, never thinking before he spoke. He’d been drunk as well, which never helps… Why was he defending the guy! He scolded himself mentally. But he’d seen the look of hurt on Dean’s face before he walked away, and it wasn’t from the bloody nose he’d given him and for some reason that hurt him too.

He sighed again, anger and confusing bubbling through him racing to the surface until he couldn’t hold it back anymore. Papers scattered to the floor as his fist struck out, colliding with the solid wall with a thud.

“Whats got your panties in a bunch?” Came an amused voice.

Cas looked up, anger turning to fear at the stranger in his apartment, until he recognised the face… “Claire?” He scoffed in surprise. “How on earth did you get in?”

“You know me, doors and locks, they ain’t no barrier.”

“That’s a double negative Claire, I think you meant…”

“Oh save the grammar lesson, you’re not my Dad.”

Cas’ face fell and twisted in guilt. “Claire I’m…”

“Castiel, don’t. I know your sorry, you’ve said it a thousand times and I’ve told you I’m over it. Would you just let it go already and take the joke.”

Cas sighed and nodded. “What are you doing here?” He asked, no feeling more tired than ever despite the full nights sleep.

“You haven’t answered my question yet.” Claire countered, folding her arms.

“Just my past catching up with me again. Nothing to worry about.” Cas said, dismissively, making it clear he didn't want to talk about it.

“No offence Castiel, but usually when your past is in the picture its something to be very worried about, I should know.”

“Can you not call me that please?” Cas asked wearily, flinching at the name.

“What, you want me to call you Steve?” Claire scoffed. “Cos you know I ain’t calling you Jimmy.”

“Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” Cas sighed. “I promise Claire, this time there is no danger."

“This is from way back isn’t it.” Claire asked in realisation. “Castiel, are you ok?” She asked softly.

“I’m fine.”

“No, really?” Claire asked, genuine concern in her voice.

“I’ll be fine.” Cas reassured, not really answering her question, but Claire nodded as if it was good enough and opened the freezer.

“Here.” She said, taking his hand and wrapping a bag of peas around his bloody knuckles. “Landlord’s going to take that out your rent.” She sniggered, pointing out the small dent in the wall Cas’ fist had left behind.

“Yes, I suppose he is.” Cas sighed.

“Come on.” She beckoned, pulling him towards the sofa. “We never finished that Indiana Jones marathon.”

“Claire, I’m working in a few hours.”

“That’s enough time for one movie. Besides, what’s your boss going to do if you’re late? Spank you?”

“Claire!”

……………………………………..

Cas grimaced as he tried to tie his shoe laces and his knuckles protested keenly. Why did he always do this? He knew his angry outbursts never ended well, yet he continued to allow himself to lose control. Finally finished, he reached for his bag and stood up, checking himself ne last time before he left to start his shift.

“Your tie is on backwards you dork.” Claire sighed, tugging at it to undo it and then taking her time, putting it straight.

“Are you going to be here when I get back?” Cas asked.

“I don’t know, maybe, maybe not, just passing through.”

“If you need food, I’m not well stocked at the moment…”

“Yeah I noticed.” Claire scoffed.

“But there is some money in the lock box under the sink. I’m sure with your affinity for locks, you will have no problem pertaining it should you feel the need.”

“For the last time Castiel, I can look after myself, stop trying to give me money or I’ll start questioning your motives.”

“Claire I…”

“You’re going to be late.” She rolled her eyes. Castiel nodded and turned, placing his hand on the door handle and opening it a crack.

“Where is it.” He sighed, turning back to the room.

“Where is what? You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“You don’t just drop in for visits, especially not without calling and this is Las Vegas, so where is your fake ID?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said, mockingly.

“You’re 17 Claire, you’re not gambling and you're certainly not drinking, hand it over please.”

“Castiel. I’m not a child.” She whined. But Cas just raised an eyebrow and held out the palm of his hand expectantly.

“Fine.” She huffed, pulling off her phone case and handing him the license hidden in the back.

“This is a good fake, where did you get it?” Cas said, looking it over, impressed.

“I’m not telling you all my secrets. No get out of here or Zar really will have to give you a spanking.” She teased.

“We’ll talk about your crude language when I get back.” Cas said, pointing a finger at her.

“Not my Dad!” Claire called after him as he shut the door behind him.

He trotted down the steps of the fire escape and prayed he hadn’t missed the bus already. Joking aside, Zar would not be happy if he was late, but it was Uriel, the guard on the shift before him he would be most put out. Uriel already hated him, for what reason he didn’t know, but he had enough drama in his life without having conflict at work.

He was so wrapped up in getting to the bus stop quickly that he almost ran head first into a man stood in the lot outside.

"I'm terribly sorry..." But he was cut off as he recognised the face in front of him. Not again.

“Castiel, boy is it good to see you.”

“Mr. Singer?” Cas asked in surprise, then sighed. “Am I going to have everyone from my past tracking me down and trying to convince me to reconnect with them this week?” He almost growled.

“No boy, that’s not why I’m here, though I can appreciate your frustration after whatever Dean said to you.”

“Well whatever you want Mr. Singer, I’m afraid I’m late for work, so if you would excuse me?”

“Wait Son, please. I don’t want anything from you but for you to hear me out. I have a rental car I can drop you off at work, if you just give me 5 minutes.”

Cas looked down the road and saw his bus pulling off. Well, looks like his ride to work had left without him anyway, the next one wouldn’t be around for 15minutes.

“You just bought yourself 10 minutes.” Cas said, taking a step out of the man's personal space and folding his arms. Bobby didn't miss the way his fists were clenched and his body held tense and ready.

“Thank you.”

“First up, why are you all here?” Cas jumped in before Bobby could say his piece.

“All? It’s just me and Dean. We were all down for Sam’s wedding, they got married in Zion national park, Dean insisted the bachelor party was here.”

“Sam got married?” Cas said, a small and genuine smile lighting up his tired features, the defensiveness momentarily bleeding out of his posture. “I’m very happy for him.”

“Yeah, she’s a lovely woman Jess, perfect for him. So yes, sorry for turning up and turning your life upside down, but we’re just so very happy to see you Son.”

“I… I do apologise for how I left things.” Cas said hesitantly and for the first time Bobby saw a hint of the young, unsure man they’d known all those years ago. “I never properly thanked you for incredible kindness in taking me in or apologised for the money I stole.”

“Son...” Bobby sighed, not really knowing how to approach this... “The past is in the past, you are as welcome in our home now as you have always been and you’re still as much our boy as Sam and Dean are. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you, with my own two eyes, alive and well, but I respect that you’ve made a life for yourself and we’re not a part of it. Dean’s stubborn and pig headed, but he gets it too, we have no right to demand to be part of your life now Son, but I just wanted you to know, if you ever need anything…” He held out a note with his phone number on. “You can always call. And if you never want to see any of us again, I’ll make sure the boys respect that.”

“I, I really appreciate that Mr. Singer.” Cas said, softly, something unreadable in his expression.

“For the last time Son, it’s Bobby. Mr. Singer was my Dad.”

There was a brief moment of silence as Cas stared at the paper in his hand, face and eyes swirling with emotions which changed too quickly to be read.

“Bobby?” Cas asked, tentatively.

“Yes Son?”

“Will you congratulate Sam for me? Tell them I hope they are both very happy.”

“Course Boy.” Bobby smiled.

“And...” Cas sighed. “Tell Dean…” Cas started, but he couldn’t finish. He shook his head and looked down at the floor.

Bobby nodded knowingly. “Do you want that lift?” Bobby asked.

Cas looked at him, eyes evaluating. Bobby had seen that look before, he was trying to judge if Bobby was safe and he couldn’t say he blamed him. Cas glanced at his watch and back at Bobby.

“If it would not inconvenience you.”

“Not at all, hop in.”

……………………………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are sill going to be sporadic at least until Christmas so just be aware, but don't fear. I will always finish my fics (eventually)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, sorry , sorry. *hides behind solid object.*  
> I have returned, at least for a while. Here's a chapter as a peace offering for taking so long.   
> On the other hand I get over a bit of writers block with this chapter and have the next 2 in a nearly finished state, so updates shouldn't be so far apart this time

Cas had expected more questions on the car journey, but Bobby was just as he remembered; a man of few words and little sentiment. More importantly he respected that Cas had said all he was going to say on the matter. Regardless the whole debacle left him feeling unsettled as he tried to focus on his shift.

It was a fitting job really, a security guard. He’d spent his life trying to be invisible whilst constantly being alert. No one gave him a second look in the time it took him to scrutinise them completely, deducing who was likely to kick off tonight, who would be in bed before midnight and a few youngsters who were clearly underage and using fake ideas; but the bar wasn’t open yet and Inias would spot them a mile off. If he didn’t, Cas would be there to see them off promptly.

Truth was Cas usually avoided conflict like the plague. He was good at this job, he stopped most conflicts before they could get started. But today he was itching for a fight, burning for one. Every nerve he had was standing on end and worst of all he was second guessing himself, checking every person that passed him twice, three times… had he missed that guy before? No, he’d just put a jacket on… there’s something in his pocket, is a gun or a cell phone…

“Turner.”

“Boss.” Cas nodded to Zar whilst keeping his eyes on the crowd. His instincts were never wrong, they never let him down, but now they were going haywire.

“Take your break, Meg’s out back.” Zar sighed and Cas could feel the frustration rolling off him.

“I’m fine.” Cas insisted.

“No, you’re not, just don’t be too out of it when you get back here.”

Cas conceded. He had been acting strangely all day, and if anyone could notice when he was wound tight as a coil it was Balthazar. “I’m sorry Zar.” He said, allowing himself a momentary lapse in professionalism as he rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Don’t be, you’re going through the ringer right now, but we are talking about this tonight.” Zar insisted.

“Yours or mine?” Cas asked, suddenly feeling incredibly tired.

“Wherever I don’t care, just let me know. But for now, go get yourself sorted.”

……………………………………….

“Want one?” A small blond was stood in the alley out the back of the hotel necking a couple of brightly coloured pills from a bottle as if she didn’t care who saw her.

“Got anything stronger?” Cas sighed.

“Xanax, Valium, I can get you some oxycodone if you give me 10mins?”

“Jesus Meg, not that strong.” Cas huffed. “I’m still on shift.”

“Just messing with you Clarence. So weed?”

“Suppose.” Cas shrugged and Meg handed him off a spliff, holding the lighter under his chin to light it. “What did you do to your hair?” He asked, nose scrunched up hardly contained distaste.

“What, don’t you like it?” Meg asked, with a sarcastic pout.

“Not especially. You’re a creature of the night Meg, not Barbie.”

“I was bored.” Meg shrugged.

“Course you were.” Cas chuckled.

“So, what’s eating you?”

“Nothing, just a bad day.”

“Really? Cos Shaun said there was some guy looking around for you at the bar and calling you Cas.”

That damn name. He didn’t understand how it could feel so familiar and so foreign at the same time. He’d had so many different aliases over the years, Cas, Steve Jimmy, James, Emmanuel (what had he been thinking on that one)… there were so many more than that too. But those were the ones he’d had long enough to get used to them, sometimes he’s only spend a few days using a name before he moved on, this place was the longest he’d stayed anywhere since he was a teenager. Quite frankly he would probably respond to any name at this point, Billy, Joe, Mark… they were just names and Cas quite honestly didn’t have a clue who he was anymore. He wondered if he ever had.

“And I don’t want to talk about it.” Cas grunted, taking a deeper breath and sighing in relief as the tension started to drain from his body. He couldn’t let himself get too high though, he’d end up messing up or at the very least Zar would be pissed at him. “That’s enough for me.” He said, handing it to Meg, who happily took it off his hands. He turned away, ready to go back inside when he felt her hand on his wrist, stopping him from going any further.

“You should take this for when you’re off shift.” She offered, holding out a bottle.

“Meg…” Cas sighed.

“There’s not many left, somethings bothering you, you don’t want to talk about it, I get it.” Meg insisted. “But Clarence you’re going to have to talk to someone about it sometime, or at least have something to get you to sleep at night so take them with you.”

“How much?” Cas sighed.

“Call it a birthday present.”

“You don’t know when my birthday is Meg.”

“True, but I never got you anything whenever it was. Do you even remember your own Birthday? I’ve seen your box of fake licenses; do you memorise the birth dates on all of them?”

“Shut up.” Cas growled and Meg recoiled.

“I just hit a nerve, didn’t I?” She asked surprised. “Sorry Clarence I…”

“Leave it Meg, I just… I can’t right now.” He sighed.

“Yeah sure.” Meg nodded. “I’ll pop over later this week.”

“Ok.” Cas nodded and turned back to the door.

It was going to be a long day.

………………………………………..

“You need to leave town.”

Dean stopped dead in his tracks. The hostile voice that had called him was unfamiliar and he tensed in anticipation, all too aware that he was caught, cutting cross an alley in a city he didn’t know, with absolutely nothing to defend himself with.

“Hello, and who are you?” He, still not turning around, assessing his options should things go south.

“None of your business asshole, now you need to leave Steve alone.” Dean turned on his held to face down the young woman that was threatening him. She was short, blond, maybe about 16 and angry. Dean had seen that look before; he’d been that look before. That sort of kid that was angry at everything; God, the world, everything. There was only one thing this could be about.

“Look Kid, I’m just here for a few more days. I don’t know what you have to do with Cas, or Steve, or whatever he wants to call himself, but he told me to stay away and I am, ok?” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“I don’t believe you. Whoever you are, you are fucking up his life and he needs you out of it.” She spat.

“Look kid…” Dean sighed.

“I’m not a kid!” The young woman growled.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Whatever, but I don’t really see how things between me and Cas are any of your business.

“It very well is my business.” She spat, assuredly.

“What are you, his daughter or something?” Dean scoffed.

The young woman paused, a protest on her lips. “So, what if I am?”

Dean’s eyes widened. Cas had a kid? Cas had a kid, with a bad attitude who he just let waltz around the city unattended? That mean Cas had to have a wife, or something, or girlfriend or…

“You’re his… what?” Dean stuttered.

“Now that is none of _your_ business. You need to get out of town, today.” She said sternly, folding her arms. How a teenage girl could appear so intimidating, he wasn’t sure, but she did remind him an awful lot of high school Cas when he was facing down bullies in the corridor. Maybe this girl really was Cas’ daughter… she had his eyes he supposed, starling and blue, highlighted further by the heavy eyeliner she was wearing.

“Or What?” Dean scowled, deciding to test her metal.

“You don’t want to know the answer to that. If you know him at all, you know what he’s capable of, and he has just as many friends who are just as capable of putting you in a box if you even think about hurting him.”

“For the last time, I’m not here to hurt him. He made himself clear, and I’m leaving soon, just not today!”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Winchester.” She said, turning tail and disappearing quickly from sight and leaving Dean feeling both annoyed and unsettled, almost wishing he’d never come to Vegas at all.

…………………………………

Cas didn’t feel any better by the end of the day. His shift ended at a strange time on Friday with the transition over to weekend staff. He usually stuck to the night shift, clocking on at 8pm, getting off in time for breakfast and to sleep the day away, but his shift had ended an hour ago and sat in his flat at 2am sleep wouldn’t come. Claire was fast asleep on the couch. He was glad in a way she was still here, it made the place feel less empty and impersonal as he chose to keep it. With everything around him in flux around him there were a few things that were constant and Claire’s fond loathing of him was one of those.

He’d had enough. He couldn’t cope with this anymore. Two pills of Meg’s later and he was drowsy but still vibrating, anxiety coursing through him and making him want to scream. He needed to get out of here and he knew just the place he needed to go.

………………………………………

Claire woke up to hammering on the door. The annoyance she felt at being woken from her sleep was quickly overridden by alarm. Someone was knocking at the door, Castiel’s door, not hers… and they sounded angry, urgent. She picked a kitchen knife and made her way forwards, to an outsider it would seem excessive, but she knew very well what sort of people Cas had made enemies of and she wasn’t about to risk anything.

“Steve if you’re in there open the damn door!”

She breathed a sigh of relief and undid the safety chain. “Hey Zar, your angel cake isn’t here right now.”

“Claire? You’re back in town?” Balthazar asked, baffled. He looked tired, deep bags under his eyes and still donning his suit and name tag told Claire he’d just come off shift. Cas finished work hours ago, so whatever he’d done to piss his boytoy off, she wasn’t sure, but guessed it must have happened at work.

“Passing through.” She shrugged, still not moving aside.

“What’s with the knife?” Balthazar frowned, gesturing her fist which ws still clutching the weapon tightly.

“Someone angrily banging on Cas’ door at,” She glanced at the clock, “5 in the morning?”

“Fair point.” He conceded. “I apologise if I alarmed you, but do you happen to know where he is?”

“Dunno, he came back after his shift, but I heard him leave. What’s he done this time?”

“He was supposed to meet me after his shift, he’s been… unbalanced, all day. Is his bag here?”

“Bag? What Bag?”

“His fight bag.”

“How should I know? I don’t _actually_ live here you know.” She scoffed.

Zar rolled his eyes and made a beeline straight for the cupboard. Cas’ apartment, all things considered, was a bit of a shit hole, but as things went in this city, it would probably be considered average if you discount of course the hoards multimillionaires there inevitably was in Vegas. Cas could afford better, his job was hardly minimum wage, but that’s not how Cas lived. He didn’t spend money, just saved it, which is why Zar was worried how often Cas had mentioned he’d been coming up short lately. He’d thought his drug habit was escalating, the line between recreational use and full on addiction was a fine one, that the man had been teetering on the edge of for as long as he’d known him, but Meg was adamant, that if Cas was buying heavy stuff, he hadn’t been getting them from her. Not that, that was much comfort.

Even in this shit hole of an apartment, the place was spotlessly clean, and everything had its place, which is why when Zar opened the cupboard door and saw a rectangular hole of space that he knew exactly where Cas had gone.

“His bag is gone.” He sighed, rubbing his face in frustration.

“Which means?” Claire asked, which a typical degree of teenage attitude.

“He went to a fight.”

“I thought he’d stopped that?” Claire said, genuine concern gracing her features. “It’s stupid, he could get himself killed!”

“Believe me he knows.” Zar growled. “I’m just not sure he cares at the moment.” He added quietly.

………………………………………..

He took a breath. The coppery tang of bloodied floors, with the sharp spike of disinfectant blended with the acrid stench of days old sweat made for a rather unpleasant assault on his senses, but somehow grounded him. Cas wasn’t a fan of the dirt and the grime, the rusty wire of the cage, or the near blinding spotlight that made him squint to bring the world into focus in the otherwise darkened warehouse. The prolonged squint was making his forehead ache and he took a moment after wiping the sweat from his brow to rub at the ache.

He didn’t have long before he was thrown once more into the fray, just enough to assess his injuries. Prodding against his bare ribs there was a familiar sharpness of pain that told him they were bruised. He used to be so conscious of his scars, most given to him long ago, some newer, but it hardly mattered here. Every man that stepped into this cage was scarred, both inside and out, some left with more, few left unscathed.

His next opponent had been ushered into the ring. He was big, maybe having 3 inches and 40 pounds on him. His hits would hurt, but that’s exactly what Cas wanted. The ref, if he could be called that, announced the start of the fight. Cas saw the first punch coming from a mile off. Big and strong, check, slow and angry, also check. It took very little to side-step the hit and land two blows of his own before the lumbering man snapped out of his cocky assault and remembered to raise his hands to guard himself. They were 20 second in and the man already had a broken nose and a bruised jaw, he wagered, yet he was still there, still fully focused. The man could clearly take a hit and Cas’ knuckles were sore from the first 5 fights of the night. He was tired, overheated, under hydrated and yet, he was nowhere nearly sated. Maybe this man had the strength to give him the pain he needed, even if he lacked the skill.

When the next punch came, he took it. His face exploded in glorious pain, he could taste the copper in his mouth from, his newly busted lip, the outraged roar of the crowd barely audible over the ringing in his left ear. The blow was heavier than expected, his head was spinning and he was suddenly so disorientated that he very nearly fell pray to the follow up haymaker. The man’s fist grazed his neck as he twisted quickly, staggering dizzy. That had been a mistake.

He blocked another flying fist aimed for is head feeling another slam into his damaged ribs, knocking the air out of him and setting his side on fire. He grunted and staggered, throwing up his foot to connect with the mans chest in a kick that was purely defensive. The move gave him a few seconds to gather himself as his opponent staggered and clutched his chest. This fight was getting dangerous now, he couldn’t afford to be complacent against an opponent who could do him so much damage, even if there was a part of him that wanted it.

The man surged forward and Cas ducked to the side, bending one knee he dropped a few inches and drove his fist into the mans ribs, following it with the heel of his other hand straight into the throat. He used the time whilst his opponent was choking to deliver two blows to his head. The man staggered, at his mercy, barely able to breathe. It just needed one final blow.

The man hit the mat, head whipping limply as he seemed to bounce across the floor before settling. He’d been unconscious long before he hit the mat, Cas had seen the light leave his eyes shortly after his foot had collided with the man’s solar plexus. The ref grabbed his wrist and was raising his hand, but to Cas the world was still hazy, buzzing even, the adrenaline coursing through him, but it hadn’t made anything better. This was his last fight of the night, his knuckles ached, he was covered in bruises yet there was nothing sharp enough to linger for more than a few days, and there was no one left to give him anything that would.

Cas had to wait for the man to be dragged out of the ring. He knew his unconscious ass would be dumped in alley a few blocks over to avoid any suspicion. If he was lucky someone would find him and call an ambulance, but Cas was certain he’d not done enough damage to cause the man any serious injury. That wasn’t the point. He wanted to hurt, he wanted bleed, it was all he’d always known, but most of all he wanted to be the one in control of it, and in the ring that’s what he was.

He pushed his way through the departing crowds, pulling on a hoody and headed for the side of the stands. There was a queue of people waiting for the bookie to collect their winnings, but Cas ignored it, pushing to the front unchallenged. The man saw him coming, quickly counting out the cash and handing it off to him in a seemless exchange.

He was gathering up his kit when he saw him. It was a feeling at first, a prickle across his skin like he was being watched. On the run his whole life his instincts were sharper than most and he knew the feeling all too well. He moved carefully glancing round in a way not to draw attention, to look like he was still sorting his things, but in reality, he was able to scan the room in full.

He saw him through the crowd, on the other side of the cage which the workers were quickly working to dismantle. These fights were moved to a different location every week, too long in one spot and the cops would be onto them. At first, he thought he was imagining it things, concussion was a very real possibility after that blow, after all, why would he be here? That was a stupid question, of course he’d been here, they lived in places like this… They locked eyes across the room, a twisted smirk on the other man’s face, Cas’ eyes steeled, giving no hint of the panic that was coarsening through him. They’d found him. It couldn’t be undone and if he didn’t move quickly, he’d be trapped. If one of them was here that meant the others were close.

He was in so much trouble.

………………………….

The man smiled, ‘well hello there, little brother’, he thought to himself. They’d been trying to find him for such a long time but apparently the youngest Novak was slippery. Who’d have thought they’d find him here of all places, when they weren’t even really looking. He’d seen him fight; he’d seen him win. He was fast, strong, but unfocused and distracted. Technically he fought exactly the same way he had as a child; it was disappointing really. As he watched his baby brother gather his things, he smiled. Michael was waiting at the side door, Raphael at the back and he couldn’t escape through the front without passing him. Oh, how Luke had waited for this day. He saw the moment Castiel noticed his presence, savoured the look on his face. Castiel was scared, he may have guarded his expression well but Luke could smell fear and his little brother reeked of it.

He lost sight for a moment as the crowd milled between them, then when his line of sight returned, Castiel was gone. It had been only a second. Luke straightened in surprise. What? How? He quickly scanned the crowd, but there was no sign of him. How had the little shit just vanished? He picked up his phone.

“Lost sight of him. Yes, yes, I know! Just keep an eye out. He’s going to make a run for it.”

……………………………

Cas walked quickly, but not hurriedly, trying not to be too loud in the silent streets, trying not to draw attention. He was fairly certain he was safe at the moment, but if he knew his brothers at all he knew they were determined and that they hated him with a vengeance. He’d spent the past hour trying to lose them. Having escaped the warehouse unscathed, one of Michael’s goons had spotted him and alerted the others. He was at a disadvantage. Other than his brothers, he had no idea what the others pursuing him looking like, unfamiliar with the members of his brother’s gang. Every person he saw could be a threat, and even in the early hours of the morning it was nearly impossible to move through the streets without there being at least one other person in sight.

“Shit.” He hissed as he rang his hands through his hair. He was still a few miles from his apartment, he couldn’t risk leading them back there, both for his own sake and for Claire’s. He reached for his phone. The battery was painfully low and he had 12 missed calls from Zar. Great. Of course, _now_ he remembered they were supposed to meet up tonight.

He slunk down against a tree for a minute, staring up at the desert sky while he tried to think what to do. Fucking Vegas, palm trees everywhere, boiling in the day, freezing at night, but he didn’t hate the place, not really. It was the closest thing to a home he’d had in a decade, but now he’d been found he had to leave of course, but his brothers would also be expecting that. He erased the numbers from his phone. If they caught him, he wouldn’t have them hurting the people he cared about and he had their numbers committed to memory.

The sensible thing would be to hotwire a car and get the hell out of dodge while he didn’t have anyone on his tail, but he couldn’t just go. The downside of having let himself become attached to people was that he couldn’t just abandon them at a moment’s notice like he would usually. He had to get Claire safe first, it would only be a matter of time before his brothers found the apartment… but he was tired, bone tired. Now the adrenaline and Meg’s pills had worn off he was left with all the aches and pains of the nights activities and all the weight of his lack of sleep over the last few days. He held his back firmly and hissed as the all too familiar tingle returned to his legs. “Fuck.” He hissed. Apparently that last kick had been one too many. He silently cursed every God he could think of as he rubbed the heel of his hands into his eyes. He couldn’t go back tonight, he had to find somewhere safe, preferably with a plug socket so he could charge his damn phone, for now he powered it down to preserve what little charge he had for an emergency.

Then he heard hurried footsteps and hushed, urgent voices. Looks like his break was over.

……………………

Zar marched into the bar in the early hours. O’Malley’s was almost always open, and always full of the same old faces.

“Shaun, where’s the fight tonight?”

“Steve gone awol?” The man frowned, his thick Irish accent pushing a drink towards some old redneck across the bar.

“Yeah.”

“Warehouse near boulder junction I think, but the fighting will have finished hours ago…”

“I know that, but he’s not home and he’s not answering his phone.”

Shaun straightened. “Shit, you don’t think…”

“I’m about to start checking dumpsters, yeah.” Zar growled. “He was not in a good frame of mind earlier.” He said, worriedly.

“Matt, watch the bar.” Shaun called through to the back room, putting down the half-filled beer glass. “I’ll drive, I know the usual places.”

“Thank you, Shaun.” Zar sighed. “This is such a fucking mess.”

“This to do with what happened the other day?”

“Yeah.”

“Blondie was in here yesterday, asking questions. I gave her answers and I think she went to give that Dean guy an earful.”

“Claire?” Zar chuckled. “That kid is a fire-cracker, just wish she’d be more damn careful.”

“Wonder who she gets that from.” Shaun scoffed as they headed to the car.

“That would be less disturbing if they were actually related. I swear to God if he isn’t dead in a dumpster already, he will be when I find him.”

……………………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One line guys. I know its been a while, but would be great to know if any of you are still out there. A comment would make my day and speed up the writing process.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahhheyyyy, not to long a wait for you this time!

Dawn had broken and Claire hadn’t heard a thing. Zar had asked her to stay where she was, as if she didn’t have plans already, and let them know if Cas came back. She’d made a fuss, she’d had to on principle, but the real reason for her reluctance was worry. She hated feeling useless. Cas was likely in deep shit, knowing his luck, maybe injured, maybe worse and all she could do was sit here and think about it. She wanted to be out there searching.

She’d spent the last half hour convincing herself that he’d be back here any minute wondering what all the fuss was about, but he hadn’t and hell, his shift was starting in three hours… she was now, very definitely, officially worried. She was even more worried when Zar burst in through the door half an hour later, with Shaun in tow, both looking stressed and tired.

“Where is he?” She asked in despair, noting the distinct absence of a trench coat clad, scruffy haired man.

“No sign of him.” Shaun huffed. “The bookie he said he won his fights and collected his money and walked out of there. We checked the usual dump sights anyway and there was a couple of guys but none of them were him.”

“So, where did he go? Where _would_ he go? If he walked out of there, then how come he ain’t back here?” Claire fired the questions in quick succession.

“I don’t know… usually he only fights when he’s stressed then he comes straight back, he’s never gone AWOL like this.” Zar said, at a loss.

“Do you think he left town?” Shaun asked and a contemplative silence fell in the room. “Well there’s all this Winchester business going on, maybe he bailed?” Zar moved quickly, rifling through the draws, pulling out the false bottom and checking its contents.

“He wouldn’t have left without this stuff, his ID’s, money… everything is all here.”

“Ok, so maybe…” Shaun started again, then stopped. “I don’t know, I got nothing.”

“His phone still on?” Claire asked.

“No, turned off. Every time I ring I get the same result.” Zar growled in frustration.

“Hannah at the hotel, she can track it maybe.” Shaun offered.

“Good shout.”

“Maybe we’re thinking about this wrong.” Claire chipped in. “Maybe he ain’t running from this Winchester guy, maybe he’s with him.”

Zar frowned. “It’s a possibility.” He mused. “Claire, stay here?”

“Again!” She protested but Zar gave her a pleading look. “Fine.” She rolled her eyes, standing down but making her unhappiness clear.

“Shaun, can you check the bluebird motel, that’s where this Dean bloke is staying and I… really need to get to work. I’ll get Hannah to trace the phone.”

…………………………………..

“Hello little brother.”

Cas took a tired breath. He’d been evading them all night and most of the morning. Turned out that the few goons he’d been expecting, was more like a small army of men. It had been a long time since he’d been familiar with their gang, and unfortunately that meant he barely recognised any of them. They knew his face, but he didn’t know theirs and it made them all the more difficult to avoid. They were loyal to Lucifer and out for his blood.

Despite his best efforts, he’d known that for the last few hours he was being herded by their minions and he was far from in a fit state to fight his way free. In the end he’d just let it happen.

“Michael, Lucifer…” Cas huffed. “Raphael.” He acknowledged his brothers with a tired nod of his head and tried to muster up the courage and strength to fight his way out of the inevitable onslaught that awaited him.

“Long time no see.” Lucifer smirked.

“What do you… how did you find me?” Cas asked, exhausted.

“Well that’s your own fault little brother, we weren’t actually looking for you, but you made quite the impression in the cage matches the other night.” Michael snickered.

“It is our sport little brother and you fight quite well, turned a few heads.” Raphael conceded.

“Its lucky really, that we happened to be there, or unlucky depending on which way you look at it.” Lucifer smirked. “Certainly, unlucky for you.”

“What do you want?” Cas sighed.

“What we always want little brother.” Lucifer grinned. “You to scream.”

……………………………….

“Anything?” Zar asked for the 100th time, hell he was going to run out of minutes if they didn’t find him soon. Shaun had been to the motel, neither Dean or Cas had been there, so he and Meg were out scouring bars for the Winchester in the hope he had some idea of where Cas was. But all leads where running dry. Castiel was nowhere to be found and it was going on midday. “Thanks anyway.” He sighed.

Hannah had point blank refused to track his cell, apparently it was against the law or some shit. Thankfully Gadreel, another member of the hotel security team, was less rule orientated. Once Hannah went on her break he’d jumped into action, but as expected could only trace the last location of the phone before it had been turned off. It told Zar all he needed to know. It was headed both away from the warehouse where the fight had been and from Cas’ apartment, in an area of town that had nothing that could be deemed vaguely useful or interesting to Castiel in the middle of the night. That meant he was in trouble, ether being tailed or chased and avoiding leading them back to Claire or the apartment, or he’d been grabbed. Either way, it was bad news.

“We need to move Claire out the apartment.” He said solemnly, to himself as much as anyone else, but Gadreel seemed to have taken the message and begin to put it into action, picking up the phone. Zar didn’t want to think about who it might be Cas was evading, or why he’d turned off his phone, but it was a start. He relayed the information to Meg, she was already out there scouring the streets but the location gave them a more concentrated search area and a good idea of the direction he was likely to have headed in. He just hoped to God they weren’t already too late.

…………………………………….

“Winchester?” The first time Dean heard his name it was in question, the second time it most certainly was not. “Winchester!”

Dean nearly slapped himself in the face. “What is it this time?” He growled turning around to see yet another short blond woman he’s never met standing in front of him. “And what is it with Cas and blonds!”

“Have you seen him?” She demanded, looks like there was going to be no small talk with this one either.

“Take a guess.” He scoffed.

“Where the hell is he?” She growled and he took a step back. Hell, this bitch was actually scarier than the last one.

“For the last time, I don’t know honest to God. He told me to leave him the fuck alone, so I am.” Dean protested.

The woman glared at him, scrutinising.

“Somethings wrong isn’t it?” Dean asked, heart dropping in concern as the realisation hit. She was worried and if she was worried then…

“He’s missing.” She admitted. “So please, if you know anything…”

“Honest to God I don’t… Is it possible he’s just left town, or is he in trouble?”

“He’s been gone all night. He’s not at his apartment, didn’t show for work, isn’t any of his known safe houses...”

“He has safe houses?” Dean asked, taken aback.

“Yes, of course he does,” She scoffed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “but it doesn’t matter.”

“How can I help?” Dean asked, suddenly feeling very guilty. It was likely his presence that had been the antagonist for Cas’ sudden disappearance.

“Unless you know something, I don’t see a way you can. “She sighed, but then looked him in the eye. “You care about him, don’t you?”

“Yes. So do you.” Dean frowned. “Are you his…”

“Hell no, nothing like that.”

“Oh, I thought you might be Claire’s Mom or something, you kind of look alike.”

Meg laughed in genuine amusement. “Let’s just not go there again. I need to find Clarence.”

“Clarence?” Dean whispered to himself, “Wait… What’s your name?”

“Meg.”

“Meg, let me help, please. Something tells me this is probably my fault anyway so…”

“Give it up with the guilty martyr routine already.” She huffed. “But we could use all the help we can get.”

“So, where do we….” Dean was interrupted by the ringing of Meg’s phone, the blond scrabbled at her pockets, grabbing it quickly frowning. Dean guessed she didn’t recognise the number.

“Hello.” Megs eyes widened, first in relief, then clouded in worry. “Where!” She demanded. “Don’t move we’re coming.”

“Was that him?” Dean asked.

“Yes.” She said and without explanation she turned tail and ran, Dean followed as closely as he could.

……………………………….

Dean skidded round, the corner into an alley. They’d been running for more than 5 minutes and hell, that Meg chick moved fast. Finally, she came to such a sudden stop that Dean almost ran into the back of her. There was a click of a gun loading and Dean froze.

“Stay back!” A deep voice barked, it was shaky but chilling, a warning that demanded it be respected.

“Shit!” Dean hissed, heart thundering in his chest as the danger crashed on top him in a wave of sudden realisation.

“Clarence, its ok.” Meg said softly and now Dean got a good look at the man holding the gun. Cas was half laid, curled behind a dumpster, his neck and shoulders propped on the metal, one arm curled around his ribs, the other, slightly shaking holding the gun. Dean took a calming breath. It was just Cas, not some gangster, just Cas… and he looked like hell.

“Meg.” Cas sighed in relief, clicking the safety back on and trying to sit up. He closed his eyes and gasped in pain as they both rushed forward.

“Easy there.” Meg soothed, kneeling down by his side. Cas was breathing heavily, one eye welded shut with swelling, his face a mess of cuts and bruises and written with lines of exhaustion. His arm was still draped over his torso but now Dean could tell that his hand was obscured underneath his jacket. “What happened?” She asked gently.

Cas shifted and grunted. “My brothers.” He wheezed.

“Easy Clarence.” Meg winced, taking hold of his arm soothingly.

“Brothers?” Dean asked quietly, but Meg shook her head, the message clear. Not now.

“What is he doing here?” Cas growled, noting Dean’s presence.

“Easy, we’ll talk about it later. We need to get you out of here.” Meg huffed, sliding her arm underneath him, ready to help him up.

“No, No Meg wait.” He yelped.

“What’s wrong?” She barked anxiously.

“Claire.” Cas grunted. “Need to get someone to her. I shot Lucifer; they’ll go after her next.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ok, I’ll deal with it. Now can you walk?”

Cas looked at Meg in a mixture of guilt and nervousness and was it Dean or was Cas’ face a lot paler than it had been when they found him? Dean’s stomach lurched in worry as Cas grunted in pain again.

“About that…” He grimaced.

“Cas?” Dean asked, voice cracking in worry.

“Take me to Crowley’s.” Cas sighed, suddenly looking tired. Dean frowned. Crowley? Where did he know that name from? “We’ve got a problem.” The dire tone of Cas’ voice snapped Dean away from his thought and Meg’s face darkened instantly. She grabbed at Cas’ jacket and pulled it aside.

“Shit, Clarence!” Meg cried.

Blood. So much Blood. Cas’ hand was slick with red, pressing hard into his side where before he’d assumed it had cradling broken ribs, but now it was clear he was instead trying to prevent himself from bleeding out.

“Shit!” Dean hurried took off his jacket without hesitation, balling it up and pressing it into Cas’ side as Cas’ hand dropped limply to the floor, exhausted.

“You got to stay with us Clarence.” Meg urged tapping him gently on his least marred cheek as Cas’ eyes threatened to roll back into his skull. Somehow those startling blue eyes blinked back into focus, the effort clear. “Where’s your car?” Meg asked Dean urgently. “You have car, right?”

“Yes, back at the motel, the bluebird.”

“Give me the keys.”

“What, no!” Dean scoffed. “He needs a hospital!”

“They’ll find him at the hospital.” Meg growled.

“What the hell have you got yourself into that the freaking hospital isn’t safe!”

“Hello, bleeding out here, can we argue about this later.” Cas hissed.

“I’m not strong enough to keep pressure on the wound, you move he dies. So, give me the keys!” Meg demanded

Dean looked down at Cas, who was now no longer just pale, but grey and trembling slightly. He made his decision.

“Back pocket. Black classic Chevy impala.” He instructed, as he felt Meg slip the keys out of his pocket and she was gone in a flash. Cas chuckled and Dean looked him over in alarm, was he going delirious, was he clocking out…

“What’s so funny?” Dean he asked, concernedly.

“Firstly, never seen her run before… unless she was being chased.” The thoughtful smile on Cas’ face was quickly torn off and replaced with a wave of pain.

“Easy man.” Dean winced, turning his focus back to Cas’ wound. “So, what’s the secondly?” He asked curiously, wanting both to get rid of the awkwardness of this situation and keep the bleeding man awake.

“Can’t believe you still have that Impala, well, actually I can,” he corrected. “What I can’t believe is that let Meg run off with your keys.” He chuckled weakly.

“Well, you know, can’t have you dying on me.” Dean scoffed in disbelief. Yes he loved that car, but he would happily get blood on the seats to save Cas’ damn life.

“Dean, you’d sell your soul to save your car.” Cas chuckled, painfully.

“True.” Dean huffed in amusement.

“If you knew anything about Meg, you’d not have let her have your keys.” Cas chuckled, stifling a cough.

“Well, bit more worried about you right now and besides, that bitch puts a scratch on baby and I will kill her.”

“Oh, you really don’t know her.” Cas chuckled. “She’d wipe the floor with you.”

“She’s 5 ft 4.”

“Still wipe the floor with you.”

Dean chuckled. “I’ll take your word for it. From the 5minutes I’ve known her, that woman seems as friendly as a box of angry bees.”

“I like bees.” Cas hummed, eyes slipping closed.

“Cas…” Dean took one hand away, to shake him and thankfully Cas gasped in pain, eyes flicking back to him. “I need you to stay with me.”

Cas nodded tiredly. “I should have always stayed with you.” He wheezed.

“Cas?” Dean asked.

“I shouldn’t have run.” He sighed and Dean could almost feel the pain and the regret radiating from those sad, haunted, lonely blue eyes. They were so familiar and yet, so changed. The years had not been kind, that much was evident even without knowledge the stab wound he was currently pressing in to.

“I get why you did though.” Dean shrugged.

“Yes, I had my reasons, but if I had trusted you all, if I had been brave enough to trust you, I could have had a family, could have avoided all this.” His voice was getting weaker, fading out to a whisper.

“You’re going to be fine Cas, just got to stay with me.” Dean said frantically.

“I know I’ll be fine Dean.” Cas grunted and Dean scoffed. “I’ve had worse.”

“Glad someone’s sure.” He huffed, wondering how on Earth Cas could have had worse than this.

“It takes a very long time to bleed out from the gut.” Cas shrugged, by way of explanation.

“Comforting.” Dean scoffed.

“Well you know me, always look on the bright side.” Cas grunted, trying to shift like it would help stop the pain and was disappointed when it didn’t.

“Cas, it may have been 10 years, but I doubt you could have changed _that_ much.” Dean chuckled, moving one of his hands to Cas’s shoulder to steady him and the man relaxed a little at the contact. Dean cringed a little when Cas chuckled in response, his breathing hitching and quickening as his lungs struggled to cope with such a simple use of oxygen. “For what it’s worth Cas, what you said about having a family, you have one.” Dean said sincerely and Cas gave him his full attention. “I’ve been nearly assaulted by 3 people this week, all trying to protect you, telling me to get out of town and leave you alone.”

“Yes, I suppose they are like family.” Cas admitted, sadly. “Shame I’m going to have to leave again.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll get to that later.” Dean sighed. “Let’s just focus on the now and getting you to this… Crowley dude’s in one piece.”

There was a squeal of tyres as the Impala thundered into the alley and screeched to a halt with Meg behind the wheel. Dean sighed in relief at the speed she’d managed to get here, Cas certainly didn’t have much time to waste. She jumped out the front seat and ran straight back to Cas’ side.

“It’s ok I got him… You drive,” he said reluctantly, “makes the most sense seeing as I don’t know where we’re going.”

“Ok.” Meg agreed, moving straight back to the car.

“On three Cas.” Dean warned as he braced to lift the fading man. This was going to hurt no doubt, but pain wasn’t so much important as haste.

“Just do it Dean, I’m not going to break.” Cas huffed in annoyance.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Debateable,” he muttered, as hoisted the man up. Cas seemed determined to stay on his feet and not be carried, but his legs were weak. Dean pulled Cas flush into his side, arm pulled over his shoulders and the other at Cas’ hip as he half helped, half dragged the fading man towards the door. The second they were all on board, the car quickly lurched away.

………………………………….


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned this one is pretty graphic and certainly a wild ride. Sorry for keeping you all waiting

“Well, Well, Well, never thought you’d dare show your face here again Megan.” Came the voice from the other side of the door. They were at, what Dean could only describe from the outside as, a squatters drug den. Why on Earth they had brought Cas here was beyond him, but at this point he was hardly going to argue. Cas needed help and he needed it now. The journey had only taken 10 minutes, but from having started the ride leant against Dean and supporting his own weight, Cas was now practically slumped. The full heft of his body could be felt as his back pressed heavily into Dean’s chest, and the taller man kept a steady pressure on the wound that Cas had now completely neglected to focus on staying conscious.

“Just fucking can it Crowley, it’s not me, it’s Clarence.” Meg growled.

“Whats the giraffe got himself mixed up in this time?” The door opened and Dean’s jaw dropped as he realised where he’d heard that name before, seeing the face of the man, even aged and with a beard confirmed it all to him, bringing back less than favourable memories.

“Crowley!” Dean exclaimed, shuffling out from under Cas to step out the car.

“Dean Winchester.” Crowley said, an odd smirk crossing his features that could best interpreted as surprised intrigue. “You’re a long way from Lawrence.”

“Fergus Mcloud!” What the actual… Dean turned to Cas, who was now heavily leaning on the back of the driver’s seat. “Fergus McCloud… school douchebag, the guy who you beat the shit out of and had his goons try to beat the shit out of you….” Dean exclaimed, looking at Cas for answers, but quickly realised that it hardly mattered how the two were now ‘buddy-buddy’ because the raven-haired man was barely holding on. “Shit.” Dean hissed, reaching in to help Cas out of the car. “You with me?” He asked and he was met by a deep stare of blue eyes, struggling to hold their focus on the face in front of them.

“Somewhat.” Cas grunted, but it was more of a whisper.

“Oh dear, you’re not looking so good are you pretty boy?” Crowley tutted, though there was genuine concern in his voice.

“Lucifer’s in town. He’s been stabbed.” Meg said bluntly. It had the desired effect.

“Bloody hell.” Crowley’s face fell at the mention of the name and suddenly all trace of amusement was gone. “Get him in, I’ll call down Mother.” He instructed, Meg followed, leaving Dean to pick up what was left of his former friend and carry him into the building.

…………………………

Dean didn’t like this at all. He knew what this was, it was a back-street butcher, this was no place to get medical treatment. It looked more like a torture chamber, but at least it appeared fairly sterile. He’d ended up carrying Cas through the door, following Crowley and Meg into the back of the building and laying him gently onto what could only be described as a morgue slab.

Crowley left the room, presumably to get his… Mother or whatever he’d said earlier and came back a few minutes later with a petite red-haired woman in tow.

“Hello Handsome,” she winced seeing the state of Castiel, running a hand through his hair in the way a Mother would her son. “I’d say it’s nice to see you, but I really wish we’d stop meeting like this.”

“Hello Rowena.” Cas breathed, closing his eyes against the pain.

“Hush now, let’s get you fixed up.” She soothed, as Cas gave a vague nod and sunk back down onto the table.

Rowena worked clinically, shooing Dean away as she got to work, cutting away Cas’ clothes to get a better look at the wound. Dean winced as he saw it; blood coated Cas’ torso, but the new wound was far from the only mark. Cas’ torso was littered with scars, signs of a lifetime of pain and abuse, a harsh reminder of how little Dean new about the man who had once been his friend.

“Stab wound 2.5 inches deep, twisted on entry. Oh dear. Looks like a standard blade at least.”

“Yes, Rowena I know what stabbed me, I’d appreciate this not being my autopsy, can you sew me up already?”

“Touchy, touchy. Where did this attitude come from angel?” Rowena scoffed. “And I can’t, just stitch this up. Gut wounds are complicated, it looks to have missed any vital organs, but the blood vessels are badly damaged. I haven’t the tools to close such small vessels and I need to stop the bleeding...”

“Shit.” Cas growled.

“What does that mean?” Dean asked, stomach churning.

“It’s this or the hospital dearie, up to you?”

“Just do it.” Cas groaned.

“Oh, I’m not watching this.” Crowley grunted, pushing out the room.

Rowena nodded and started digging through a cupboard at the other end of the room. “Sorry.” She said, the genuine sympathy in her face not deferring her from her course of action.

“What’s going on?” Dean mouthed to Meg, who was moving towards Cas. Then, without warning, she fisted a hand into Cas’ hair and slammed his head, hard down onto the table and the man went limp.

“What the fuck!” Dean exclaimed, standing up with a start.

“Trust me, it’s better this way.” Meg huffed.

Dean turned, confused and worried, wondering what the hell he was doing here when he saw Rowena returning with a damn blow torch.

“What the hell are you doing with that!” Dean demanded, horror setting in as the pieces slotted together.

“What I have to, Ken Doll, or your boyfriend dies.”

“You guys are sick.” Dean choked.

“Meg hold him.” Rowena instructed, lighting the torch.

“Sorry Clarence.” Meg hissed.

Dean couldn’t watch as the flame was lowered and the smell of burning flesh filled the room. It was only seconds before Cas was torn from unconsciousness by the assault on his flesh. Dean had never heard a sound like it, the primal scream of unbelievable agony that tore its way out of Cas’ throat. Dean closed his eyes, biting back tears. What the fuck had he got himself into?

Thankfully the screams did not last long. “That’ll do it.” Rowena acknowledged. “Lift him.” She told to Meg.

When Dean found the courage to turn around Cas was out cold, pale and ashen. Alcohol dripped off the slab that they’d used to sterilise the wound and Cas’ torso was wrapped in clingfilm, with Rowena placing ice onto the burn.

“Is he still alive?” Crowley chose that moment to return, looking in with trepidation.

“So far. The cauterisation was successful, but he’s lost too much blood.” Rowena said gravely.

“So… go look in your little vampire cupboard.” Crowley exclaimed.

“I’m rather low on blood supplies after fixing up your minions after that shooting last week.”

“Ah.”

“Ah indeed.” Rowena scoffed. “Whats his blood type?” She asked Meg.

“Dunno?” She shrugged.

“We don’t have any universal donor left.” Rowena tutted.

“I can’t help, I’m O positive.” Meg sighed.

“Still with us Ken doll?” Rowena asked, taking in Dean’s pale face and the way his was shaking slightly from shock.

“I’m sorry, I’m AB negative.” Dean replied, anticipating the question.

“Fergus.” Rowena beckoned him.

“No.”

“You’re O- give me your arm.” She huffed.

“No Mother!” He protested.

“Give me your arm or your favourite frenemy dies.” She urged.

“Fine.” He huffed.

……………………………………

All Dean could do was sit there and watch. Thankfully the blood transfusion seemed to be working, a little bit of colour had returned to his face and he looked less like he was half dead and more like he could be sleeping. Crowley had got a call half an hour ago, and had needed to leave on business after donating as much blood as was safe for him to do. Rowena had gone to get cleaned up upstairs, so he was left alone with the angry blond who was soothing her fingers through Cas’ hair and icing the bad side of his face.

There was a knock at the door. Meg raised her gun. Where she’d got that from, Dean had no idea, but it seemed that they still needed to be on high alert.

“Who is it?” She barked.

“It’s me Meg.” Dean recognised that voice and seemingly so did Meg as she lowered the gun and opened the door.

“How is he?” Zar asked frantically, as the hotel manager stepped into the room. He looked tired, skin pale, eyes dark with worry and sleep deprivation, but he wasted no time moving to Castiel’s side.

“He’s going to be fine.” Meg replied and Dean sighed in relief. It was the first time he’s heard anyone say it and it was a relief.

“We gotta move him, everyone knows this is the best butchers shop in town, it’s the first place they’ll come looking.” Zar breathed as he gently stroked Cas’ cheekbone with the back of his shaking fingers.

“Where’s Claire?” Meg asked.

“Safe. I’ve got a bolthole we can go to. How long does he need?”

“I don’t know, he’s not come round yet, we should wait for Rowena.”

“I’ll go get her.” Dean said, wanting any excuse to get out of the room and sick of feeling useless.

………………………………………

Turns out Rowena’s method of bringing Cas round was slapping him in the face. It was crude but effective, after all Cas had gone through that without sedative nor pain relief, so there wasn’t much other than exhaustion to keep him under.

“Well that was unpleasant.” Cas grunted as he slowly came around, pressing a testing hand to his abdomen and removing it quickly with a wince. He looked exhausted and utterly through with the world.

“Yes well, you will keep getting yourself into trouble hun.” Rowena tutted, but not in admonishment.

“What happened?” Zar asked him, voice gentle, yet demanding.

“Claire…” Cas croaked.

“Is safe.” Zar smiled fondly. “We need to get you out of here asap, but I need to know what we’re dealing with first.”

“Finished my fight, was about to leave…” Cas said weakly, breathing heavy with pain. “Saw Luke… Lucifer,” he corrected, “and bolted. They were tailing me all night, I tried to get away…”

“Breath Clarence.” Meg reminded him. Cas nodded, sucking air through his teeth that were gritted against the pain.

“Can’t this wait? He’s in agony for crying out loud let him rest!” Dean scoffed.

“We need to know what we’re up against,” Zar spat, “you haven’t got a clue

“Story of my life.”

“Your still here?” Cas asked, surprised.

“Apparently.” Dean scoffed.

“Dean you can go.” Cas sighed.

“No, he can’t.” Meg huffed.

“What, why?” Not that Dean wanted to go, he wanted to make sure Cas was ok, but he didn’t like the thought of being forced to stay with these people and whatever shady dealings they were involved with.

“Because Cas’ brothers may have seen him helping Cas in that alley, we can’t just let him go walking round the city until we know he’s safe. Last thing we want is him getting nabbed, tortured and giving them information that will get us all killed!” Meg growled.

“Gee, see you guys have a lot of faith in me.” Dean scoffed.

“We don’t know a thing about you, other than that Cas hates you.” Zar barked.

“That’s not true…” Cas protested weakly, raising his head with narrowed eyes.

“Shut up Clarence and finish your story.” Meg scolded him gently.

Cas grunted and let his head rest back on the slab. “So, eventually they cornered me.”

“They?”

“Mike, Luke and Raph, I couldn’t stop all three of them… Raph had a gun, I managed to get it off him… clipped Michael in the leg, got Lucifer in the shoulder I think, but my aim was off, that’s when I realised I had a hole in my stomach.” He huffed.

“Yeah ok, so they’ll need some time to regroup.” Meg nodded. “Well done for tagging them anyway.”

“I was aiming for the head. Shame I missed.” Cas grunted and Dean balked.

“Can we get him moved?” Zar asked Rowena.

“Don’t see why not. Do not split that cauterisation or let it get infected! I’ll give you some dressings and antibiotics, I might have some pain relief, but I imagine Meg here is more than capable of supplying you with that.”

“Great, let’s get out of here.” Zar nodded, taking command.

……………………………………….

Dean felt like he was at sea, in a boat with no engine, at the mercy of the current as he was pushed further away from shore. It was like all control had been ripped from as he was thrust into some 1920’s gangster remake, only this was no film, this was real life.

“Are you ok Dean?” Came Cas’ weak grumble from the bed. Dean started as he realised the other man was finally awake. They’d got him moved to the safehouse several hours ago to meet a worried and angry Claire and the guy from the bar, Shaun he thought his name was. Dean had been left alone with Cas, in his room while the others made plans at the other side of the door which he clearly wasn’t going to be made privy to.

“Am I ok? You’re the one who got stabbed!” Dean scoffed.

“Yes, but I realise this must all be a little, well a lot, crazy for you.”

“Hell Cas, I mean, I’m not sure what I expected. Honestly thought you were long dead till a few days ago and now…”

“You have questions.” Cas sighed.

“You’re in no state to play 20 questions. I can wait.” Dean rolled his eyes. “Not that you owe me anything.” He added.

“I appreciate that, but I rather think I owe you something after all this madness you’ve been subjected to.” Cas grumbled and the room fell into silence for a little while.

“I’m glad you have people looking out for you Cas.” Dean sighed. “Your daughter told me to stay the hell away from you the other day.”

“My daughter?”

“Yeah…”

“Dean I don’t have a daughter.” Cas said, confused.

“Blonde chick, bad attitude, your eyes…”

Cas started laughing. “Claire. She said she was my daughter?”

“Well yeah, isn’t she?”

“No. I’m actually a little flattered that she said that. I thought she hated me.” He sighed. “I would hate me if I was her.” He added sadly.

“Whats the story?” Dean frowned.

Cas sighed. “It’s a long story, but in short I was running from my brothers, they were right behind me, I’d stolen a car…”

“You stole a car?” Dean asked sceptically.

“Yes, Dean I was running for my life. There are a number of unfavourable things I have learned how to do in order to stay alive.”

“Sorry, of course, go on.”

“I was too preoccupied with looking in the rear view, trying to shake my brother’s, to look where I was going… I hit her father… he was jay walking, but I was going nearly 80 and…”

“You didn’t stop, did you?” Dean winced.

“Oh No, of course I did.” Cas said sternly.

“But your brothers?” Dean asked, confused.

“I didn’t care at that point. They could do what they wanted to me, I could have killed that man… I never wanted to hurt anyone Dean I…”

“Of course, you didn’t Cas, it was an accident.”

“An accident that was my fault.” Dean frowned but Cas didn’t let him interrupt. “Either way, I slammed on the brakes, but it was too late, I hit him and he went flying over the car… then Lucifer rear ended me so hard I got knocked out. Next thing I remember Lucifer was dragging me out the car by my neck, my head was spinning so badly I was helpless for the first time since I was child.”

“You got away though, right?”

“In a manner of speaking. The police arrived, the sirens had my brothers running for the hills, I knew of course I had to get away… not that I was trying to shirk my responsibility for the accident, but if I allowed myself to be arrested my brothers would find me and have me killed where I could not escape.”

“They could have had you killed in police custody?”

“Very easily.”

“Jesus.” Dean hissed.

“So, I staggered to my feet. The car was write-off but a few people had stopped to help and left their keys in their cars so I fancied my chances… everyone’s attention was on Jimmy, Claire’s Dad, and the police were chasing my brothers. For a moment I was invisible to everyone, but not to Claire.”

“Claire? Claire was there?”

“Yes, she was maybe 10 years old, but she’d seen everything and unlike everyone else, she’d never taken her eyes off me. In fact, she was determined not to let me get away and I very nearly paid for underestimating her. She grabbed onto my legs, kicked and screamed, hit me with all her strength, called me a murderer. Said I’d murdered her father.” Cas sighed. “All I could do was tell her I was sorry before I shook her off and drove away before the police could reach me.”

“Did he die? Jimmy?”

“No, but he never recovered. Claire says he’s still in a coma. I doubt he’ll ever wake up.”

“How did you two end up friends after all that?” Dean asked, baffled.

“That is another very long story, and one I am too tired to tell right now.”

“Jees, of course. I’m sorry.” Dean scolded himself. “Can I get you anything?”

“Unless Meg has some morphine, I doubt anything else would do me much good right now.” Cas sighed, the pain written all over his face, and audible in his voice which was cracked and strained.

“How bad is it?” Dean asked, his gut roiling in sympathy as he instinctively rubbed Cas’ arm to offer some comfort.

“Pretty horrendous if I’m honest.” Cas said, defeatedly.

“What can I do? There has to be something.” Dean urged.

“Pills in my coat. If I take enough it should knock me out.”

Cas’ coat was a mess, Dean remembered it from back in high school and he couldn’t quite believe Cas still had it. It was battered and lovingly repaired, but he doubted the blood stain would come out of it this time, and the nasty tear from the knife kind of added to its condemnation.

“Cas, these don’t have a label, what are they?”

“Don’t know, Meg got me them the other day. They’re perfectly safe I took them yesterday.”

Dean scrutinised the bottle further, finding a small label on the bottom. Benzodiazepine. If his memory recalled that was a painkiller and tranquiliser… “You were fighting with tranquilisers in you system?” Dean asked, a little horrified and a little angry, how could he be so reckless?

“Is that what they are?” Cas hummed nonchalantly.

“Benzodiazepine.” Dean grunted. “You trying to get yourself killed?”

“Dean, please don’t presume to know me for a second, or judge me for my coping mechanisms.” Cas’ voice was low and dangerous, a warning that chilled him to the core.

“I’m sorry Cas, I guess… it doesn’t matter.” Dean shut up before he dug his whole any deeper. He couldn’t say he was surprised at Cas’ lack of concern for what it was that was in that bottle. He remembered that even back in high school Cas would be dosed up on painkillers to cope with the injuries inflicted by his abuse, rarely knowing what it was he was taking. Truth was it hurt him that nothing had changed. He wanted better for Cas, but he gave up that right a long time. Right now, the guy was in pain and if he could be knocked out for the night it was a mercy. “How many?”

“3 should do it.”

“You sure, you’re weak Cas.”

“I know. I had 3 yesterday, I won’t overdose.”

“Ok.” Dean sighed defeatedly and handed the pills over, fetching a glass of water which turned out to be redundant. Cas dry swallowed the pills with a practised efficiency and an uncomfortable level of familiarity that made Dean squirm. He watched as the tension leaked slowly from Cas’ body and his eyes gradually lost focus, fading in a glassy glaze until they finally slipped closed.

………………………………………


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys its been aa while *laughs nervously*   
> Uni is over and I've started to enjoy writing again so hopefully more frequent updates will be happening in the future.

Chapter 10

When Cas came to, Dean wasn’t there anymore. The room was dark, curtains drawn so at least a few hours must have passed since he fell asleep. It took his eyes a few moments to adjust to the dark to realise he wasn’t alone.

“Zar?” He asked, his own voice surprising him as it rasped out of his dry throat. He stifled a cough and winced as he

“Easy, drink this.” Zar said, calmly, turning his back to collect a glass of water from the bedside table. Cas planted his hands on the bed, bending his elbow and tried to heave himself upright. He didn’t get far before the pain stopped him and he bit back a choked groan as he let himself sink back down into the mattress. “Don’t try sit up.” Zar warned, still something cold and level in his voice that made Cas frown. Balthazar slipped his hand under Cas’ shoulders, lifting his head up enough so he could take a much-needed drink, the ice-cold water soothing his throat as he tried not to swallow too quickly.

As the glass was taken away it was replaced by a hand on his forehead and a frowning face hovering over him, but Balthazar refused to look him in the eye.

“You’re too warm.”

“I think its just the burn, I don’t feel feverish.” Cas sighed.

“I’ll get you some more ice.” Balthazar grunted, turning quickly and making his way to the door. Castiel

“Zar wait, what’s wrong?”

Apparently that was all it took for Balthazar to explode.

“I’ve had it up to here with you Castiel! Do you not think of the rest of us at all before you go off and throw yourself into harm’s way? You’d pick a fight with God if you could and I’m not saying you wouldn’t have a reason to Cassie, you always have a damn good reason and it makes you impossible to argue with! But I have patched you up a thousand times and it never makes any difference…”

“Zar?”

“I guess I’ve realised you’re never going to change, and I can’t take it anymore Castiel. I’m done.”

“Zar please…”

“No Cas, I’m done supporting your insanity. You make everything in your life as difficult as it possibly can be, you won’t accept help without a fight, you’re always looking for something to fight your like a damn soldier who just keeps looking for a war. Your life doesn’t have to be a battle Castiel, but you keep choosing it.”

“Zar, it’s all I know…”

“Bullshit its all you know! You know us too! You have people who care about you Cas, I sometimes wonder if you know that.”

“Of course I know that, you all are the best part my life…”

“I find that hard to believe to be honest. If you really cared about us Cas you wouldn’t keep doing this to us, you make think throwing yourself under the bus to keep us safe is caring about us, but it’s not, it’s the easy way out and if I have to patch you up one more time, I swear it Cas, you’re on your own.”

“Zar…” Cas pleaded.

But the man turned and marched out of the door, slamming it behind him.

“Zar!” Cas called again but heard nothing in reply. A terrible panic washed over him. He couldn’t let this happen.

………………………….

Dean hadn’t realised he’d been dozing, until the door to Cas’ bedroom slammed shut and startled him awake. Meg had gone to bed a while ago, and Balthazar had all but kicked Dean out of Cas’ room so he could sit with him instead. All in all, it was very clear that no one was allowed to leave here and Dean was trapped with them.

Zar barged his way into the kitchen, wrestling the fridge door open and grabbing a beer. He looked like a walking storm cloud, his whole body bristling with seething energy and his face flushed with anger as he ground his teeth together.

“Zar!” Cas’ voice could be heard shouting from the other room, but the man seemed to be blocking out the noise.

“What’s going on?” Shaun asked, taking the words right out of Dean’s mouth.

“He ok?” Dean added quickly.

“Leave him. He’s fine.” Balthazar sighed. The freezer door was opened next as he pulled out a bag of ice.

“You to have a spat or something?” Claire asked with a mischievous smirk.

“Just butt out Claire, its none of your business.” Zar growled and Claire whistled lowly.

“Touchy much.” She scoffed, but thankfully Zar didn’t rise to it.

“Shaun you take first watch, I’m going to bed. Someone take him that damn ice and make sure his wound isn’t infected.” Zar ordered, making his way to the stairs, before a clatter at the other end of the room had them all tuning on their heels. Dean noticed Shaun reaching for a gun, but he never completed the movement.

“Zar please.” Cas was stood, one hand braced against the wall, ashen faced and panting heavily, but his blue eyes locked on to the blond man’s, full of pain and pleading. The clatter had been him stumbling into a table as he gave his best attempt at walking in a straight line, but Dean was on his feet in a second, knowing all too well that the tremble in his legs meant they weren’t going to hold out for long.

“Cas, get the fuck back into bed.” Balthazar spat, stepping away from the stairs, but still not looking in Castiel’s direction.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” Cas begged, pausing in his questionable stride for a moment as he tried to will Balthazar into locking eyes with him.

“Just go rest, please, before you pass out.” Balthazar sighed, but Cas shook his head, making the last few steps to grab the man’s arm before he could retreat up the stairs and out of his reach.

“Please Zar I can’t…” Cas panted, almost struggling for air now. Dean saw the moment the pain hit him, his face twisted but he didn’t make a noise. His eyes screwed shut as his trembling legs threatened to give. Dean surged forwards, but Balthazar beat him to it. The man clutched Castiel’s arm in a firm hold, preventing him from falling.

“You idiot! Will you never learn?” Balthazar growled.

“Please. I can’t lose you; I know I fucked up I just…” He took a few deep breaths, willing his lungs to keep up as Zar adjusted his grip to hold him steady.

“If you make that cauterisation fail, Rowena will skin you alive.” He warned, the anger slowly ebbing from his face as concern took over.

“And I’d deserve it, just please…” Cas wheezed and groaned, clutching at his side as he waited for the pain to ease so he could finish. “I just… I was stupid, and I’m so sorry I worried you. I swear I wasn’t trying to be a martyr; my head it was just… It all got too much and I just lost it. I needed something and I know, I know I should have come to you instead of going to that stupid fight, and I’m sorry.”

“Cas…” Zar sighed. The anger had almost completely drained from his and there was now a look of sadness and guilt on his own face.

“I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. What you said was right, in the past I have sought out conflict, but not anymore…”

“Cas stop, you need rest.” Zar said firmly.

“Please let me say this.” Cas begged, and Zar relented with a sigh and a nod. “I don’t want to do it anymore Zar, I’m tired of it and you’re right… what I do, it’s not fair on you, on any of you and I’m sorry. I promise I’ll try harder.”

Zar shook his head “I know you are.” He said softly. “Come here you _absolute_ idiot.” Zar pulled him in gently, more to take his weight than anything else, but Cas gratefully wrapped his arms around him. “You’re not going to lose me, I’m sorry I said that I just… but you ever think I worry just as much about losing you, you moron?” He chuckled sadly and only now did Dean notice the tears in both their eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Cas said again, though this voice was muffled in Zar’s shirt.

“You can stop saying that now. I accept your apology. Come on.”

The room was silent apart from Castiel’s loud pained breathing while Balthazar helped him back into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

“Well that was dramatic.”

“Claire…” Shaun sighed.

“What? You chucked my phone out the car window, this is my only other form of entertainment.” Claire huffed. “Its time someone finally called him out on the whole self-sacrificing, one-man army, martyr shit anyway.”

“True.” Shaun conceded.

“How long till we can get out of this shit hole anyway? I have stuff to do you know.”

“Claire, you know the drill by now.” Shaun sighed.

“Well, ‘it takes as long as it takes’ doesn’t really cut it for me.” She grumbled. “I’m off to bed.”

Dean sat in silence as the room was empty apart from him and Shaun. The quiet couldn’t have been more uncomfortable, but Dean had nowhere to retreat to. There were only three bedrooms in this safe house, and they were now all occupied, leaving him alone with Shaun and Dean was under no illusions that the guy hated his guts. That’s why it surprised him when Shaun spoke.

“Bet you’re wondering what the hell you got yourself into?” He asked, almost as if he were trying to break the ice.

“A little, but I guess its Cas, I’m not sure what else I expected.”

“I thought you only knew him at high school?”

“He wasn’t much different as a kid really. I mean, no psycho brothers or gang wars, but he hasn’t changed all that much I guess.”

“Really?” Shaun asked, taken a back.

“Yeah. He never really picked a fight, but he would always end up involved in one. Waged a one-man war against the school bullies. They called him the angel of Lawrence high for a bit.”

Shaun chuckled lowly. “Sounds like him alright.” And the room fell back into an uncomfortable silence. “Look Dean, no ones said it to you yet, so I’m just gonna… I’m sorry you got pulled into all this.”

“Kinda brought it on myself.” Dean shrugged. “He was my one regret and I didn’t want to let him go without at least knowing he was ok.”

“Well yeah, if you’d have known what was good for you, you would’ve left well enough alone, but none of us are very good at that either… what I’m saying is you’re an ok guy and we’ve all been acting like you’re a leper and it ain’t fair.”

“I get you guys haven’t got any reason to trust me, but I just wish you’d not act like I was enemy. If Cas wants me gone after all this, I’m gone man!” Dean sighed. “I mean I’m no wallflower, but this is well out of my league.”

“Yeah I can imagine.” Shaun huffed. “What is it you do back home?”

“I’m a mechanic, took over my Uncle’s business when he retired.”

“That’s cool man. Kinda wish I could do something like that.” The way Shaun spoke the words made him sound like he was trapped.

“How did you end up mixed up in all this?”

“I was always mixed up in it. I think when Steve, Castiel as you know him, turned up here he was trying to keep his head low, but course that didn’t last long. But I’ve been involved in gangs since I were a kid, not Lucifer’s mind, but once you’re in so deep there’s no way out the life. I was lucky in that I got in with running the fight clubs in town and Steve made quite a name for himself, ended up picking a few fights with people he shouldn’t on the side. I’ve helped him out a few messes in my time, but we’re not really that close. Him and Balthazar on the other hand, they’re tight, bonded over some shared childhood trauma think.”

“Most people would have run a mile if they knew Cas’ story…”

“Well Zar ain’t most people. He’s an ex-marine, tough as they come when he wants to be, never cross him, but day to day you’d never know it.”

“Hell no, never would have guessed.”

“The war wasn’t for him, he’ll do anything he can to stay out of this shit, which is why I don’t think he understands why Steve always runs towards the fire.”

“But you do?” Dean asked, knowingly.

“Yeah, I get it mostly, and I think in a way you do too. You’ve got the look.” Shaun said, with a scrutinising gaze.

“I suppose I’d willing jump headfirst into hell for my family, especially my little brother, so yeah I get it.”

Dean felt a weight lifted as their conversation came to a natural end. At least there was one person who didn’t hate him here. Well, 2 he supposed. He didn’t think Cas hated him, he just didn’t want Dean there as a reminder and maybe Meg had warmed up to him a bit… potentially. It still didn’t solve the problem that he was trapped here with a bunch of complete, and rather violent, strangers potentially being hunted by a gang that sounded like it operated nationwide.

How the hell had he got into this mess. He hoped Bobby and Ellen had gone back home, he had no way of knowing. His own cell had met a similar fate to Claire’s once they’d left Crowley’s so there was no way of telling them to get out of town.

Deans eyes wandered round the room, falling on the bag of ice that was still on the counter. “I’ll go take this to him.” He announced, remembering what Zar had asked them. “Then you think if anyone will mind if I try grab 4 hours on the sofa?”

“Go for it.” Shaun nodded.

…………………………………………..

“Easy, easy.” Balthazar soothed with a wince of sympathy as he helped Cas lay back into bed. He’d given the wound a check and redress while he’d still been upright. Thankfully there was no blood, or sign of infection, but although the burn was localised, it was nasty and it had to hurt like a son of a bitch.

Cas didn’t seem to be able to hold back the pain anymore. Laid on his back he slowly tried to straighten out his knee so he could lay flat, but he only got halfway before he cried out and jerked, sending a second wave of pain through his side.

“Oh Cas…” Zar sighed, helping him roll onto his side as he fought with his breathing to keep the pain under control. At least this way he could sleep without lying straight and pulling on the wound.

“I’ll be fine in a few days.” He sighed, his eyes slipping closed against the wave of exhaustion. How he’d managed to drag himself out of bed unaided in the first place Balthazar didn’t know, but then again, he always found the worst ways to surprise them.

“Debateable.” He grunted, rolling his eyes.

“Fine is relative.” Cas countered.

“That it may be, but you’re an idiot regardless.”

“I know.” Cas chuckled and instantly regretted it as he closed his eyes against the pain once more.

“You need more pills?”

“By the bed. There should be enough.” Cas instructed.

“We should see if Meg can get you more.” Balthazar said seriously, noting there were less than 10 left in the bottle Cas had pointed him to.

“It’s too risky.” He shook his head as he downed the pills.

“Meg can look after herself.” Balthazar reminded him.

“No, I mean it’s too risky to wake her up, she’ll slit your throat.” Cas smiled again and Zar rolled his eyes.

“Why do you think your such a funny guy when your injured, hey?” But he didn’t get a reply. Cas’ breathing had evened out in way that told him, if he wasn’t asleep, he wasn’t far from it and he smiled sadly. He gently pulled the covers back into place and put the half full glass of water back within easy reach, before pausing. He let his fingers run, tenderly, through Cas’ dark locks. His hair was greasy and dirty from several days not being washed, but he didn’t care. He could have done this all night, but he needed to catch up on the past two nights of lost sleep from worrying and searching the idiot he was currently caring for.

He brushed a thumb over Cas’ cheekbone with a sigh before he turned to leave the room.

“Please don’t go.” Cas asked sleepily, hand catching on Balthazar’s wrist, but his eyes stayed closed.

“We both need to rest.”

“You can rest here.” Cas said, his grip moving to the front of Zar’s shirt as rolled tentatively on his back.

“Castiel...” Zar grumbled, annoyed that he insisted on trying to move.

“Please.” Cas breathed, tugging again gently on the front of Balthazar’s t-shirt until he caved.

“Fine.” He said with a smile, leaning down and meeting Cas’ waiting lips as he hovered above him. Their lips brushed two or three times, gently and chastely, offering comfort but no heat. This was hardly the time for that after all.

“I am sorry.” Cas said sadly.

“We both are, ok? You need to rest.” He kissed Cas again on the forehead but before he could get into bed, there was the sound of a throat clearing behind them.

“Dean?” Cas asked, confused.

“What do you want?” Balthazar grunted and Cas elbowed him for the hostility in his tone.

“You asked one of us to bring in the ice, so here it is.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“How you doing, Cas?”

“Ask me when the painkillers have kicked in.”

Dean chuckled. “I’ll leave you guys to it, need anything else.”

“No thank you Dean.” Castiel answered, whilst Balthazar kept glaring.

“Cool, I guess I’ll just…” Dean nodded and made his leave.

…………………………………………

Dean tried to keep a straight face when he walked back into the living room. He didn’t know why he felt like something was crawling around his gut but seeing Cas and Balthazar kiss was kind of the last thing he’d expected. Yes, he’d know they were a thing… or something, Cas hadn’t been very clear when they’d spoken in that alley and he was sure as hell touchy about it. But even having seen it first-hand he just couldn’t see them like that. He was no homophobe, but Cas had never seemed like the Gay type and didn’t that sound like he was stereotyping! Either way, him and Balthazar, there was no disputing they were close, but they seemed like… well, just like Cas had said, brothers not lovers.

“He coming out any time soon?”

“What?”” Dean shook himself, trying to get his brain to recall what Shaun had asked him.

“Balthazar, he coming out?”

“I think he’s sleeping in there.” Dean replied, trying to think of something else.

“Oh.” Shaun nodded.

“I mean, tell me if its none of my business, but Cas and Zar…”

“Are as complicated as it comes.” He chuckled, “and not a fan of being labelled.”

“I gathered that much.”

“Yeah. If you want my two cents I’d say friends with benefits. Meg says they’re soulmates, but like friend soulmates not lovers. Before Steve, Cas… whatever you want to call him Balthazar was a major man slut. Always used to boast about his ménage-a-douze with the models that stayed in the presidential suite one summer, but since they got together, he’s been perfectly faithful, so to speak.”

“Male models?” Dean asked.

“Both I think, mainly women from his disgusting detailed recount of events I had to suffer one night when he was drunk, but the dude’s definitely Bi, if not Pan.”

“What about Cas, he gay?”

“I have no idea if I’m honest. Meg used to flirt with him big style and he played with her a bit once they got comfortable with each other, but he was never really into her. I’ve never seen him into anyone but Balthazar to be honest.” He paused for a moment. “I overheard Meg and Claire once, they reckon he’s Demi or something… but all this rainbow stuff goes over my head. I’m no bigot, love who you want, I won’t treat you any different, but I aren’t learning all these labels its too complicated for me.”

“Fair enough.” Dean smirked in the darkness. “I’m going to try sleep.”

“Take that sofa, that one’s got a busted spring and’ll give you a bad back.”

“Isn’t safehouse 101 that you don’t use the same one twice?”

“Yes, it is, but they don’t say anything about the furniture, and we ain’t made of money.”

“Touché.” Dean chuckled. “Wake me if you want a shift change.”

……………………………………..

Once Zar had got into bed and Cas had carefully positioned himself as the little spoon he spoke up. Castiel just wanted to curl up and go to sleep now the throbbing in his side was subsiding but the nature of the question forced him to answer.

“Why are you being nice to Dean?” Balthazar asked bluntly.

“I never wanted not to be nice to him, I just didn’t want him here, in my life, I needed him to go home.” Cas sighed.

“And now?”

“I don’t know.” Cas answered tiredly. “At first, I didn’t want to have my past dragged back up again and then, I didn’t want him to get involved in my life because I knew something like this would happen. He doesn’t deserve that, this. If he gets hurt…”

“It won’t be your fault. You have to stop doing that. Its his own fault for not taking the hint. I don’t like him hanging around, he’s a loose canon, someone we can’t trust.”

“Dean is a good person Balthazar, he always has been.”

“How can you say that after what you told me.”

“What I told you, is that he made one mistake, as a teenager, based on an assumption that I don’t blame him for making. He did what he did to protect his family, just like your sense of protectiveness for me has blown your hatred for him out of all proportion. He likely felt just as betrayed as I did; it was just a mistake.”

“Pretty big one if you ask me.” Zar growled.

“I didn’t ask you.” Cas bit back.

“Excuse me?” He scoffed.

“Zar I don’t want to fight, please, but you have to understand. Dean and the others back in Lawrence, the people in this house excepted, are the only people I have every been able to call friends. Dean and his family tried to save me, and they gave me the only few months of normal life that I can ever remember having. No matter how it ended I will always treasure that. If I hadn’t have had them during that time, I’m afraid I would have likely killed myself, if Zacharia hadn’t got there first.”

“I’m sorry.” Zar said solemnly. “Life should be so different for all of us.”

“It should. But what became of my life was not Dean’s fault. I could have gone back, but it was my choice to leave.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Balthazar conceded.

“I am. And I’m also right about Dean. He’s only here because he still cared enough about me to help, he didn’t run a mile when he saw the blood, or when Rowena brought out the blow torch. I think he’s proved himself enough, I wish you would all try to be more civil to him.”

“I’ll try.” Balthazar nodded. “You’re right.”

Cas let his eyes close once more but apparently Zar wasn’t done.

“Do you regret it?”

“What?” Cas asked, trying to keep his voice from betraying his annoyance at being kept from oblivion once again.

“Not staying with them.”

“Since I will never know how my life would have played out had I stayed, how can I regret a hypothetical outcome?”

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Whatever Spock. Get some sleep.”

“I’m trying you’re the one who insists on talking.” Cas grumbled.

“Ok fair point.”

………………………………..


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohooo look at me updating again so soon.  
> I have done so much writing this week and was like at this rate I'll get the fic finished in no time! But then read it and it was literally only 2 chapter worth. Boy am I bummed! Not that I don't enjoy writing this fic, I just really want to get my WIPs done so I can start of a bunch of new projects I've been eager to get off the ground.

Chapter 11

Cas had been practically out of it for the past 48hours, coming in and out of a dead to the world sleep that left him groggy and irritable in his shot periods of consciousness. Dean understandably hadn’t seen much of him, only really to take Balthazar some food if he didn’t come out at mealtimes.

All in all, it had been incredibly boring in the safe house. After the first night, at least Shaun was speaking to him and he took turns with the Irishman through the night keeping watch, but for the rest of the conversations he still felt very much like an outsider, which only served to remind him that he was practically a hostage here. Dean often just sat in silence, picking at his food and listening to the others, feeling like he had nothing worthwhile to offer.

The feeling of being held captive, was a sentiment that Claire clearly shared and had no qualms about voicing her indignation. The angry, bored and frankly quite whiny rants from the teen escalated towards the end of the second day after having spent much of the morning in her room ignoring them all. She was clearly frustrated and stir crazy, but so was everyone else and she and Meg were really starting to bang heads. Dean was sure that before long, it would escalate into a full-on cat fight and to be honest, he was welcome to let it happen if it meant some quality entertainment. The worst part of it all was that they were out of beer.

It was hell.

It was the third night during Shaun’s watch when a noise out the back near the alley woke Dean. He was a light sleeper. Sometimes Shaun opening the fridge was enough to pull him out of his slumber… this was far less subtle. Dean showed no sign he was awake, only cracking his eyes open in the darkness to see Shaun’s hand tightening around the handle of his gun as he stared out of the back window, barely moving.

Dean’s heart started thumping in his chest. There was another rattle in the alley which had him reaching for the kitchen knife he left on the table beside him since they refused to let him have a gun. The safety of Shaun’s gun clicked off and the Irishman started moving, slipping out the back door carefully and silently.

Dean lay there, frozen but coiled, and ready to defend. He listened intently. There were no sounds to say there was a scuffle outside, just the ever so quiet steps of Shaun’s massive feet as he searched the area. Then he heard a creak on the stairs. He frowned.

Claire poked her head around the corner from the staircase, surveying the room. Dean closed his eyes as her gaze fell on him, but Shaun was the one she was watching for. Seeing he was still outside she quietly but hastily made her move, stalking towards the front door with a heavy duffle over her shoulder.

That little… Claire’s room upstairs had a window looking out onto the alley. How easy it would have been to throw something out to make a noise and gain the attention of whoever was on watch. She wanted out and she had created the distraction she needed.

He heard the front door close quietly as Claire slipped out and got to his feet. The sensible thing would have been to call for Shaun and tell him, but by that time Claire could have been well and truly in the wind and, Cas for one, would be pissed. He found himself following, sliding out the front door himself and shivering in the coldness of the desert night.

He caught sight of Claire turning left at the end of the block and moving quickly, so he followed, moving as swiftly as he could without sounding like an elephant in the near silence of the night. This part of the city was quiet and dark, with dingy and broken streetlights, very few cars and dark shadows on every corner. Dean felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up as the seriousness of this situation hit him. He’d followed Claire to make sure she kept safe, but now he realised just how dangerous this was. He was in an unfamiliar city and hadn’t paid any attention to where they were going… And something deep inside him was screaming danger.

Why hadn’t he just stopped her leaving? He thought to himself. Instead of pretending to be asleep he could have sat up, once Claire had seen she was busted she would have just gone back to bed. Idiot!

As he rounded the next corner, still scolding himself and buzzing with adrenaline he saw Claire stopped stiffly in the middle of the street. He felt it too. Every nerve in his body was screaming to get out of there, that they were in danger.

And he was right.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here.” The voice came out of the shadows and suddenly Claire was grabbed from behind.

“Get your fucking hands off me!” Claire snarled and screamed, writhing in the grip of the tall man, but he held firm.

The other man, whose voice they’d heard, finally came into view, favouring one leg quite heavily. That must be Michael Dean realised. He remembered what Cas had said when they found him shot…

_‘Raph had a gun, I managed to get it off him… clipped Michael in the leg, got Lucifer in the shoulder I think.’_

So one of them was injured at least. Dean used the opportunity of their intense focus on Claire to slide closer, sticking to the shadows and ducking into doorways and behind dumpsters to maintain cover. He only had the kitchen knife he’d still had in his hand when he left and could see from the waistband of the man holding Claire, that at least one of her assailants had a gun. The question was, was this man Lucifer or Raphael? The way he was holding Claire so tight she was struggling to breath suggested there was no shoulder injury… it must be Raphael.

“Now are you Castiel’s whore little friend Meg, or his adopted runt Claire?” Michael asked, moving closer to inspect the girl who was still fighting and screaming. “Enough of that.” He hissed, clasping his hand over Claire’s mouth to silence her, before pulling his hand away with a cry of pain.

“You little slut!” He growled, cradling his palm to his chest in annoyance.

“Well brother it your own fault, you know bitches bite.” The other chuckled.

“Shut up Raphael.” He growled again and that confirmed it. The unmaimed brother was the one holding Claire which meant Dean was way out of his depth. He’d been in a few bar brawls and high school scuffles in his day, and sure he could hold his own against most, but these men were professional MMA fighters. They also had a gun and knew how to use it, Dean had a kitchen knife he had no idea how to wield. The only thing he had on his side was that they had no idea he was here.

“Enough playing. Tell us where our brother is.” Michael said firmly

“Like I’d ever tell you anything you bastards.” Claire hissed, spitting squarely in Michael’s face.

“You’ll pay for that.” He growled in the darkness.

“Go fuck yourselves!” Was Claire’s only response.

“You have fire little one, I’ll give you that, but how long will your resolve last, I wonder, when I slice off your pretty little fingers one by one?”

“I’d like to see you try you fucking pansies. Picking on a girl because even with three of you couldn’t even take out your little brother!” She taunted.

“So, he is alive then? I did wonder. A gut shot is nasty business.” Raphael said, almost proudly.

“But nowhere near enough to pay for how he has hurt our business in the past, how he’s hurt Lucifer.” Michael growled.

So that’s why the other brother wasn’t present. Castiel must have got a better shot in than he thought.

“We know he’s still in the city.” Michael hissed. “Crowley squealed like pig before we burnt him, his Mother and they’re wretched little butchers shop to the ground.” Dean’s eyes widened. Shit! They’d killed Crowley and Rowena. He didn’t get time to fully process the information however before Michael was speaking again. “We know he’s in hiding, we know he’s with that faggot hotel manager of his and all his weird sad little friends, we just don’t know where!”

“You think you won’t talk little bird, but you will, they all do.” Raphael said, his voice almost sing-songing the words. “We’ll make you scream!”

There was the sudden sound of a siren as a police car raced across the end of the alley. It wasn’t here for them, it didn’t even know there was a crime being committed as it continued its way, but it was enough to make Michael and Raphael turn and look.

Dean took a breath and made his move. He ran across the street from his hiding place, right up behind Raphael and raised the knife. He didn’t hesitate. He plunged the blade into the man’s back and he roared, releasing Claire who crumpled to the ground with a thud under Raphael’s now dead weight.

Michael turned on a sixpence as Dean grabbed Claire and yanked her to her feet.

“Claire run!” He demanded, lashing out with his foot into Michaels injured leg as the man stood staring in shock and confusion. He crumpled, yelping in pain as blood stained his jeans from Cas’ bullet wound.

“Dean?” Claire blinked in confusion, still in shock.

“For god’s sake run!” He yelled and Claire finally turned tail. Dean reached for the gun in Raphael’s waistband and fired a warning shot into the ground as the now seething Michael tried to get to his feet. “Stay the fuck back or the next one will be in your head!” Dean warned, backing away hastily, but keeping his eyes on the two men all the time. Raphael was laying very still, his frame trembling as he wheezed for air as if he was taking his final breaths. Shit… had he killed him? Had he just murdered a guy?

“I don’t know who you are, _Dean_ , but believe me I will find out and I will make you and all your family pay!”

“Yeah good luck with that pal.” Dean said with totally feigned confidence, he knew who he’d just pissed off and he’d seen the consequences with Cas. He had a very bad feeling he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.

“I’ll be seeing you, _Dean_.” Michael growled. He was angry yes, but unlike his brother had been he didn’t seem to be armed. Dean wagered he’d have drawn his gun by now and he didn’t seem to be able to stand on this injured leg, so he turned and ran. Out of the alley he paused, trying to remember which way the safe house was.

“Boss! Shit are you ok…”

“What happened?”

Two voices, unfamiliar came from the alley where he’d left Michael…

“Get after them you idiots, the little blond girl and a man, they went left!” Michael ordered.

“Shit…” Dean hissed to himself, of course there’d be other members of the gang around and now he couldn’t risk going back to the safehouse and leading them there… the water he’d been treading suddenly got deeper and a whole lot colder. He had no idea what to do as he tried to put as much distance between himself and the chasing men as possible.

“Dean this way!” Dean heard the hiss of Claire’s whisper coming from somewhere in the darkness, somewhere… above him? He looked up and saw her, half-way up a fire escape. He jumped and pulled himself up, bypassing one set of stairs and then pressed himself into wall of the building, keeping to the shadows as he watched two men run by underneath him.

“Shit.” Dean breathed in relief, but he had a feeling they were far from safe yet.

“Why the hell were you doing out here?” Claire hissed, grabbing him by the arm she led him further up the fire escape and pushed her way inside the building.

“Following you!” Dean scoffed, quietly, as the crept down the corridor of a run-down apartment complex heading to what he assumed way the way out.

“Why the hell were you following me?” Claire growled, as if he was the one in the wrong.

“Call me psychic but when I saw you sneaking out the safe house in the middle of the night into the city where three bloody thirsty psychotic men are out looking for us I had a feeling it would end badly.” Dean spat back and Claire’s face softened.

“Well… thanks, I guess. You kind saved my ass.” She shrugged, leading him down the stairs and into the lobby.

“Yeah… suppose I did. Think I’ve pretty much signed my own death warrant though.” Dean sighed.

“Welcome to the club.” Claire scoffed. “You know, for a ‘normal’ guy, that was pretty damn badass.

“That was the most crazy, stupid stunt I’ve ever pulled in my life. I got lucky.” Dean scoffed.

“I’m sorry I said your name… they have it now.” Claire growled in frustration. “How could I be so stupid! I just dragged you into this even deeper. I’m sorry Dean, I really am.”

“Not your fault kid. I could have woken Shaun and send him out after you, but it was my choice to follow. ‘Sides, there’s a lot of Dean’s in this city and they don’t even know I’m from out of town. It was dark in that alley too, doubt they got a good look at my face.”

“Don’t underestimate these guy’s Dean.” Claire warned.

“Oh no, I have no doubt they’ll find out who I am eventually, but I reckon we have some time at least.”

“True.” Claire acknowledged. “And speaking of, we can’t go back to the safehouse tonight.”

“I figured.” Dean nodded.

“If we wait till it gets busy tommorow, we should be ok.” Claire mused.

“Right… so what do we do till then? We can hardly hang out in this apartment block. I think someone will get suspicious and phone the police.”

“Don’t worry, I know just where we can lay low.”

…………………………………

A few hours later the sun was coming up, giving Dean and Claire a wonderful of the city in the early morning light. Apparently, Claire’s idea of laying low, was by sitting high - chilling on the roof of some tenement building after flirting a free happy meal out of some poor employee of the local McDonalds. Man was this girl a piece of work, but now that she wasn’t acting like a total brat Dean had to say he kind of liked her.

“You care about him, don’t you?” Dean asked, breaking the easy silence between them.

“Who?” She asked, brows pulled together in confusion.

“Cas.” Dean said simply.

“He doesn’t like being called that.” She scoffed.

“He doesn’t like being called anything does he?” Dean chuckled.

“No not really. I think he prefers Steve at the moment, but he’s still not comfortable with it.” She shrugged and shook her head. “And you’re right.” She sighed. “I think I do in a way. I’m still mad at him a lot of the time I think, but… to be honest he’s more of a Dad that my real one was to me.”

“He told me what happened, about your dad.” Dean gently prompted.

“What? That he ran my Dad over and then ran away?” She huffed.

“Yes. What I don’t get is how you go from that to where you two are now?”

“It’s a funny story really.” Claire sighed. “After Dad… my Mum went off the rails. Either spent her time at Dad’s bedside or drinking and I was angry, at the world, at everyone. I got in with the wrong crowd and eventually I decided to target my anger at the man whose fault it was that my life was such a shit show.”

“You tracked him down?” Dean asked, surprised.

“Yeah.” She shrugged.

“How? I mean, we… me and my family, spent years trying to find him after he ran away and he was only a kid back then.”

“Like I said, I was in with a bad crowd and people knew who he was by then, bad people. Is didn’t realise how bad until I was in too deep and to be honest by that point I didn’t care anyway. I was 15 when I marched up to the apartment he was staying in with a gun. He was calling himself Jimmy for God’s sake, that was my Dad’s name, I mean, how dare he?”

Dean’s eyes widened in shock.

“Yeah, I know.” Claire laughed bitterly. “He opened the door and I could tell he recognised me instantly, the sadness in his eyes… it made me forget my whole big speech and I started shaking, but it’s what he said that stopped me.” She breathed. “He just stood there, I know now that he could have taken that gun off me in a split second, but he didn’t even try. He said ‘If you’re going to pull that trigger you have every right. God knows I deserve it after what I did to your family, but if you’re going to shoot me don’t do it in front of that CCTV. No need to spend the rest of your life in prison on my account.’”

“You’re kidding?” Dean scoffed.

“No, it threw me for six and suddenly I couldn’t pull the trigger. I screamed at him, hurled every insult under the sun and he just stood there, until I ran out of things to say and just started sobbing on his doorstep.” Claire suddenly started laughing. “And the craziest thing was, after all that, he invited me in. He invited me in, and he made me a drink and then he just sat there and listened, listened to everything that happened and offered me his help as if I hadn’t just tried to kill him.” She scoffed. “It was the best conversation I’ve ever had with anyone in my life.”

“So, was that when things changed?”

“No, I still hated him for a long time. Long story short staying at his apartment for hour sobbing my heart out tipped off my gang that I hadn’t gone through with it and they came looking for me. I thought they’d just wanted to help me get revenge on the guy who killed my Dad but turns out they’d also been looking for Cas for a long time and I’d led them right to him. We both had to run, me for not finishing the job and I resented him for that. I lived with him for 6 months while we hid from these guys and I made his life hell.”

“So, what changed?”

“They took us by surprise eventually, they had us cornered. Usually Cas was so careful, but this one mistake… anyway he knew there was no way out for us, not unless… there were 10 of them and 2 of us and they were armed. One of the trash cans in the alley was full of rainwater, he threw it at them and told me to run and not look back and I did.”

“What happened?”

“I waited at our bolt hole for 1 hour, but he never came back, so I went back to the alley. It was stupid, but I had to know what had happened and I found him in a dumpster. I thought he was dead, he’d been shot, but turns out he’s a stubborn bastard which makes him hard to kill.”

“Yeah, some things never change.” Dean smiled sadly.

“He gave his life to save me, but I realised he’d given it up months before to keep me safe and that’s more than my real parents ever did for me, yes maybe Dad never had the chance, but Mom, she did and she preferred to wallow in self-pity.”

“Well, that’s… quite a story.”

“Couldn’t write it.” Claire chuckled. “That’s all our lives round here, one big overly complicated mess.” She stood up, peering over the edge of the building and glancing down at the streets below. “There’s enough people about now.” She concluded. “Michael’s goons will have called off the search by now, let’s head back.”

“Yeah but let’s not assume anything.” Dean warned. “We need to be 100% sure we’re not followed.”

“Yeah sure.” Claire nodded. “And Dean, I’m sorry about all this and… thank you, I guess.”

“No sweat kid, let’s just not have a repeat performance, ok? I think I used up all my Steven Seagal points for the year.”

“I’d say you were more Jason Bourne.”

“I’ll take it.” Dean said with a satisfied smirk.

……………………………..

“What the actual fuck!” Dean’s knock on the safehouse door was greeted by Balthazar yelling in his face.

“Are they back?” Came the anxious shout of Castiel from the sitting room.

“Yes, both of them.” Zar called back, with a growl.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Cas yelled, appearing at the door standing hunched, with a face like a storm cloud but looking far healthier than the last time he’d been upright.

“Jesus Christ, we know ok!” Dean cried, holding up his hands in surrender. “And we’re sorry. So just please, let us inside to explain before you kill us!” Dean exclaimed, giving Balthazar a shove out of the way so they could get off the street and into the house.

“Claire, are you ok, what happened?” Cas’ eyes widened and he rushed forward, running his thumb over a small scratch on Claire’s cheek. Dean hadn’t even noticed she’d got it, but then again it could have been so much worse.

“Quit fussing, it’s just a scratch,” she swatted Castiel away gently, her annoyance feigned if Dean read her correctly.

“Dean…” Cas’ voice dropped in fear. “That’s blood.” Dean looked down at his own clothes to see that his white t-shirt was indeed spotted with blood. Cas’ hands were on him in concern in moments, searching for a wound that wasn’t there. “Are you hurt?” He demanded.

“No Cas, it’s not my blood. Take it easy.” Dean held Castiel by the arm to stabilise the still injured man when a flicker of pain showed in his face. “We’re both fine, ok, let’s just sit down and explain.”

There were hurried footsteps on the stairs as Shaun and Meg appeared.

“Oh fantastic she’s still alive.” Meg said sarcastically with a scoff and she and Claire fixed each other with glares that Dean thought would melt anyone who stood between them.

“Meg.” Cas growled.

“Only kidding Clarence.” Meg tusked. “Glad you’re alive blondie, and you of course Dean.” She added,

“Gee thanks.” Dean scoffed, looking away he noticed Shaun fixing him intense look of upset and disapproval. “Look before you all decided you hate me even more…” Dean started, but Claire interrupted.

“It was my fault.” She said simply. “I thought I’d be better off alone, so I chucked a couple of beer bottles out the window to distract Shaun last night and made a break for it. Dean followed me to make sure I wasn’t going to get myself killed and well, I’m damn glad he did.”

“So that’s where the beer went.” Dean grumbled.

“What happened?” Cas demanded, anxiously.

“Michael and Raphael.” Dean growled.

“They grabbed me, tried to give me third degree on where you were hiding, hell they’d have tortured it out of me if Dean hadn’t come out of nowhere and stabbed Raphael in the back.”

“You stabbed Raphael?” Balthazar balked.

“Yeah, then he went straight for the Michael’s leg, the one that Castiel shot, grabbed Raphael’s

“Is… Is he dead? Is Raphael dead?” Castiel asked, his voice a little shaken.

“I don’t know Cas, I didn’t stick around to find out… but he wasn’t good.” He said, a little apologetically.

“Well let’s hope you did that’s one less of them to take out.” Zar growled, but Cas didn’t seem so certain.

“Yeah, but I fucked up guys… they know Dean’s name.” Claire said, a small sob in her words and suddenly the atmosphere in the room became very dark.

“Shit.” Cas pulled his head into his hands. “This is what I was trying to stop from happening Dean… you know what this means don’t you? It means they aren’t going to stop until you’re dead, until Sam’s dead, until Ellen and Bobby - everyone you care about They’re all dead!” He ranted angrily, standing up a little too quickly and needing support from Balthazar as dizziness washed over him.

“Careful.” Zar hissed at him and Cas mumbled a quiet apology.

“It was my fault…” Claire protested. “All of this!”

“No Claire, it’s no one’s fault its just how thing go sometimes.” Dean said shaking his head. “And I know what this means Cas, and yeah its only my first name, but I’m shitting my pants over this. But I couldn’t just let them take Claire and torture her to death.”

“I know… I’m sorry I…” Castiel shook his head and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

“Cas are you ok?”

“No, he’s not, none of us are… we were up half the night worrying where the hell you’d run off to when Shaun came back in and found the sofa empty!” Balthazar yelled, pointing at Dean. “It took us a whole damn hour to realise that Claire was missing too and now the Novak’s are going to be even more determined to find and annihilate the whole lot of us!”

“And if it wasn’t for missy here…” Meg started jabbing a finger in Claire’s direction.

“Like you’ve never made a mistake you stupid junkie whore!” Claire threw back.

“You ignorant little brat I swear to God I will skin you alive…”

“Guys stop for fuck’s sake stop!” Shaun spoke out for the first time in all of this. “This is not fucking helping anyone.”

Dean sighed. “There’s something else you need to know too, something that Michael said…”

“Well don’t leave us hanging.” Meg demanded.

“Crowley and Rowena. They’re dead.”

“Great.” Balthazar sighed. “We’re well and truly fucked now.”

“They still don’t know where we are.” Dean offered. “Claire didn’t say a word and we were careful coming back here…”

“That may be the case but as long as we are in this city Dean, it’s only a matter of time before they find and kill us all.” Cas explained.

“Then we get out of the city.”

“If only it were that simple.” Balthazar rolled his eyes.

“Why shouldn’t it be?” Dean asked. “Raphael is hurt, really badly, Lucifer… Michael said you’d pay for hurting him Cas, so I think you got a better shot in than you thought, and Michael’s leg is fucked up. Yes, they have their little gang, but the Novak’s are now all injured and on the back foot. They still don’t know who I am or where I come from, so why don’t we all just hop in Baby and go back to my place.”

“Baby?” Balthazar asked incredulously, as if that were the important detail in his offer.

“His car.” Cas explained. “But what about your family Dean? We’re just putting them in danger by going with you. It would be signing their death warrants and I won’t do that.”

“You said it yourself Cas, they’ll find out who I am eventually and come after us anyway. I can’t protect them on my own, but with you guys there, maybe I can. By the time they find us, you’ll be healed. I’m friends with the local Sherriff and all the towns folk, they all have guns.”

“You want to turn Lawrence into some Magnificent Seven stand off?” Balthazar chuckled.

“I reckon it’s our best shot.” Dean shrugged.

“It’s insane… but I like your style Winchester.” Balthazar conceded.

“We can’t be seriously considering this!” Cas protested.

“I think it’s the only way any of us have a chance of getting out of here alive.” Shaun shrugged.

“You’re all insane.” Claire scoffed. “But I’m in. This city is boring anyway without a fake ID.” She huffed.

“Well if we’re going to die anyway…” Meg shrugged, “might as well be in a blaze of glory.”

…………………………..


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Dean put the few things he had at the safehouse into a carrier bag and then helped Shaun pack up some food in a cooler for the journey.

“Do you reckon I could swing by my motel and grab the rest of my stuff, or is it too much of a risk?” Dean asked Shaun.

“They don’t know who you are yet and since they’ll have spent all night licking their wounds I reckon so.”

“Great.” Dean sighed in relief. There were a couple of things in his duffle back in his room that he was fond of… he also had another cell he could use to contact Bobby and give him the heads up on what was about to descend back home in Lawrence.

“Shaun.” They both turned to see Balthazar coming out of the door from Cas’ room. “Can I have a moment alone with Dean?”

“Yeah sure,” he nodded “good luck.” Shaun chuckled patting Dean on the back and heading into Cas’ room to no doubt help him with the packing.

“Balthazar.” Dean acknowledged.

“Dean, I think I owe you an apology.”

Dean sat up straight, that was… not what he was expecting.

“I still think you’re an idiot for getting involved with all of this but well, you clearly care about Castiel and you put yourself at risk to help Claire – I misjudged you. I’m sorry for how we’ve all treated you, how I’ve treated you and well, you have my trust now.”

“Thank you, man, you guys are Cas’ family and I would never do anything to hurt Cas.” Dean assured him.

“I can see that.”

“Quick question!” Claire called from upstairs.

“What?” Zar asked, a little irately.

“You do realise there are 6 of us, right?”

“Yes, and?” Balthazar called back.

“How are we going to fit 6 people in a normal car!” She called back and Balthazar frowned in realisation, looking to Dean.

“Baby’s got bench seats, we can fit 3 in the front at a push.” Dean answered them both and Balthazar seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Ok great, how long is this journey going to be?” Balthazar asked.

“19 hours with no stops.” Dean told him.

“We can do that if we share the driving.”

“No one drives my baby, I’m sorry, but I’m used to long drives. I can do it in a day at a push.”

“We can’t drive 19 hours non-stop.” Shaun shook his head, walking back into the room. “If you haven’t noticed Ste- Castiel isn’t as good this morning, he ain’t going to be able to sit up for 19hours, he’s going to need rest stops and lots of them.”

“Shit…” Dean hissed, and Balthazar did the same.

“If we stop overnight, I can do it.” Cas hobbled into the room but lowered himself immediately onto the sofa Dean has slept on, looking pale and in pain.

“Cas…”

“I can do it in two stints, take a pillow and a duvet and I’ll lay across the backseat with my head on Zar’s legs and my feet on somebody else’s. All I’d be doing is laying in bed all day anyway, a car ride isn’t much different.”

“Ok, but if anything feels wrong…” Zar started.

“I will ask to stop.” Cas finished. “I promise.”

“Ok cool, we’ve got a plan.” Dean nodded.

“Go upstairs and tell the girls to hurry up or we’ll hit rush hour.” Balthazar asked Shaun as he returned to Cas’ room to finish packing.

“Are you sure you are ok Cas? You really don’t look as good as you did last night.” Dean asked, worried.

“I admit I am not feeling fantastic, but I do have a gunshot wound to my abdomen.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Yeah Cas I get it I just…” Dean leaned over and put a hand on Cas’ forehead, frowning. “You’re warm.”

“It’s 80 degrees in here.” Cas countered. “You’re warm too.”

“Can I check your wound?”

“The dressing needs changing anyway.” Cas nodded and lifted his shirt as Dean grabbed the first aid supplies.

Cas flinched as Dean’s fingers brushed his skin near the dressing. “Sorry.”

“Its fine.” Cas shook his head, letting it rest back into the sofa. His face was a little clammy, but Cas was right, it was warm in here and they were essentially in the middle of a desert. Dean was sweating too. What was more worrying was Cas’ paleness and his shallow, rapid breathing - but that could be from pain.

“You had anything for the pain yet today?” Dean asked.

“Not since last night, I’m saving them for the car journey.” Cas replied, eyes closed as Dean peeled off the dressing and inspected the wound. The skin was bright red, but thankfully Rowena had seemed to keep it very localised to the initial bullet site. It had clearly wept a little since it had last been dressed, but the slight blistering and yellowness didn’t look like infection, more the result of the burn. Dean had seen wounds like it before when some idiot set his arm on fire in senior year chemistry.

“Have you eaten anything? Drunk anything?”

“Not since yesterday- ah- evening.” Cas yelped as Dean dabbed the antiseptic.

“Sorry buddy.” Dean said softly, before asking, “were you awake all night?”

“I was worried about the pair of you, disappearing.” Cas said a little irately.

“I’m not judging, only asking. I just want to make sure you’re ok Cas.” Dean sighed tiredly.

“I appreciate it Dean and I apologise but the pain,” he paused and sighed, “is starting the grate on my nerves somewhat.” He grimaced, screwing his eyes closed again.

“Yeah I can imagine.” Dean sighed. “If I make you some breakfast before we go, will you eat it?”

“I could try Dean, but I really am rather nauseous.”

“Sugary drink then, at least? I think we have some orange juice.”

“Ok.” Cas conceded, but he was clearly in need of some sleep.

Dean nodded gratefully, carefully applying the new dressing and pulling Cas’ shirt down to cover him again.

“Has it changed much?” Cas asked as Dean busied himself in the kitchen.

“Has what changed?” Dean asked in return.

“Lawrence.” Cas explained. “Since I left, I mean.”

“Nah man, barely at all.” Dean chuckled. “Bobby’s place hasn’t changed a bit, he still lives with Ellen. I have my own apartment now and Sammy of course has moved out… he’s going to move away with Jess after the honeymoon, think he’s got a job in California.” Dean said sadly.

“That’s a long way away.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll miss him.” Cas said knowingly as Dean returned with orange juice and two slices of toast and jelly.

“I really will, but you know, he’s an adult now and a lawyer. I can’t expect him to stick around y’know.”

“He’ll always be your baby brother Dean.” Cas said, with a fond smile, placing his hand on Dean’s arm comfortingly.

“Yeah I suppose.”

“Is Ellen still the principal?” Cas asked, gently taking a sip.

“Yeah,” Dean chuckled, “Yeah she is. Should have retired years ago mindst, but she loves it.”

“So, nothing really has changed.” Cas sighed with a weak chuckle. “It’s going to be strange, going back.” He said, wistfully. “Very little has changed, so you say, yet it’s been 10 years and I… I have changed beyond all recognition.”

“You have and you haven’t Cas.” Dean shrugged.

“What do you mean?” Cas frowned, chewing on a corner of the toast which made Dean thankful.

“I mean you’re an adult now, you were bound to change, grow up and yeah, your life is very different now, but frankly you at the core… you haven’t changed all that much.”

“Really?” Cas scoffed, disbelievingly.

“Yeah. You always were a stubborn, badass.” Dean chuckled, giving him a light shoulder bump. “But if you’re worried about seeing Bobby and Ellen again Cas, you shouldn’t be they loved you then, they’ll love you now.”

“I’m not sure they’ll love me for getting you involved in this and putting all your lives at risk Dean.”

“Yeah, but that’s my fault not yours and they’ll know it.”

“You going to go get your car Dean, so we can load it?” Balthazar asked, shuffling back into the room and dumping a couple of bags.

“Yeah sure.” Dean nodded, patting Cas on the arm. “I’ll swing by the motel first, get my stuff then pull up outside.”

“Be careful Dean.”

“I will Cas I promise.”

………………………….

Dean sat in the car outside the motel having checked out and let his fingers hover over the call button with Bobby’s contact on the screen. Finally, he took a breath and pressed the call button.

“Hey Bobby…”

“Where the hell have you been son?” Came Bobby’s irate response. “I’ve been trying to ring you for three days since we got home, but you just dropped off the face of the goddamn Earth!”

“Bobby I…”

“Me and Ellen have been worried sick, not to mention your brother. Took me all day to convince him not to abandon his honeymoon and fly back here to start a search party.”

“I know Bobby, I’m sorry for worrying you, I really am, could you just let me explain.”

“This better be good.”

“Well it’s something.” Dean huffed, taking a breath.

“Quit stalling and spill Dean.” Bobby growled.

“Fine, ok.” Dean took a breath. “So, I found Cas again and turns out his brother’s are trying to kill him and I arrived just in time to get caught up in the middle of all of it.”

“Of course you did.” Dean could feel Bobby’s eye roll through the phone.

“We’ve been in safe house for a few days, I was separated from my phone, my other one got tossed and they wouldn’t let me leave for all our sakes… then last night Claire…”

“Claire?”

“Yeah sorry… that’s a long story but basically, she’s this teenager Cas is kind of friends with… anyway so she was pissed that she was stuck inside so she bolted last night, and I followed her. She got attacked by Cas’ brother’s and I kind of stabbed one of them.”

“Hell Boy!”

“Yeah so… They kind of know my first name and they’re pretty pissed, they have the city covered with their gang members so we’re all looking to get out of here and since they’re threatening my entire family now too…”

“Dean!” Bobby said, exasperated.

“I know, I know, but Cas and his friends, they’re all kind of badass so I thought since you’re all being threatened anyway, I thought we’d be safer in numbers.”

“You’re telling me you’re bringing them all back here?”

“Yes.”

“And this gang… they only know your first name?”

“Yes, but it’s only a matter of time till they find out the rest, they’re some serious guys Bobby.”

“How many am I expecting?” Bobby sighed.

“Are you sure Bobby?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Ok, there’s 6 of us, including me and Cas.”

“You trust the rest of them?”

Dean paused. “Yes, yes I do. In truth, I barely know them, but Cas trusts them. and I trust him.”

“Ok. Safe drive Dean and please be careful. I want a text every couple hours.”

“You got it Bobby and thank you.”

………………………..

Cas looked a little better when Dean arrived back at the safe house. The orange juice was empty, and the toast was all gone bar a few bites. There was certainly more colour in his cheeks even if he still looked tired.

“Ok so, get the car loaded, everything in the trunk and then Meg and Claire will be upfront, no fighting!” Zar said firmly. “Then we’ll get you comfy in the back with me and Shaun.” Balthazar said softly to Cas, who seemed content not to move for now.

“We’ll aim for a few hours past Denver tonight. There’s a motel on I-70 near Burlington I know, decent enough and they won’t ask any questions.” Dean told them.

“How far is that?” Claire asked.

“14 hours building in stopping time. We’re having regular breaks.” He said the last part more quietly to Balthazar to avoid Cas’ inevitable protests.

……………………

The drive had gone slowly throughout the morning. Cas had slept soundly for the first 6 hours with his head in Zar’s lap so they’d forgone the first few rest stops. It was after Cas woke up that things started to get more difficult. After 8 hours of travel it was clear Cas was uncomfortable, no longer happy with laying down he was shuffling regularly and awkwardly. They made a stop, Cas walked around a little but was weak, although the fresh air and a stretch seemed to settle him for another hour before the pain started to creep back into his features.

A couple of pills had him spark out for another few hours, but as they drove through Denver, the sun setting outside, the pale clammy sheen had returned to his skin and it was clear Cas couldn’t go much further. Dean was about to announce they would stop early when Cas got there first.

“Dean I know we are scheduled a few more hours but I would appreciate if we stopped soon.”

“Cassie, you’re not looking so good, how do you feel?” Zar asked.

“I’m tired and uncomfortable.” Cas huffed.

“Well yes... I meant more specifically.” Zar sighed.

“No worse than this morning, but nauseous.”

“Ok, there’s a place in a few miles Cas, hang on a few mins and we’ll get you in a proper bed yeah?” Dean nodded, glancing in the rearview and noting the way Cas was holding his side.

“Thank you, Dean.”

They pulled into the motel and Meg and Claire we’re the first out, in fact, the wheels had barely stopped turning before Meg threw the door open. They may have somehow been quiet on the drive but Dean hadn’t missed a second of the prickling angry energy and the passive aggressive space claiming and subtle shoving they’d been participating in for the last 12 hours.

“Don’t use your real name.” Balthazar reminded them.

“Duh!” Claire rolled her eyes. “Who am I going to be today? I know… Beatrice Quimby.”

“I’ll be doing the checking in, at least I look over 12.”

“Whatever hell bitch.”

“Ground floor room!” Shaun called.

Dean rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the back seat where Cas was leaning heavily on Balthazar.

“How you doing Cas?” Dean asked tentatively, the worried looks on Shaun and Balthazar’s faces already told him that things weren’t great.

“I’ll live.” Cas breathed, though his pale pained expression told a different story.

“Meg’s waving.” Shaun nodded

“I’ll pull the car up right outside.” Dean nodded, following Meg and Claire to what was indeed, thankfully, a ground floor room.

“Ok let’s get you inside. Ready?”

“Yes.” Cas huffed, looking desperate for some comfort and some sleep. Balthazar helped Castiel out the car who stood up shakily and stayed hunched, not able to stand quite straight. As usual he didn’t make a fuss. Shaun helped Dean with the bags and as they walked into what was a fairly spacious family room.

“Do you need help getting changed.” Balthazar asked Cas.

“I can’t Zar, I’m too tired. I’ll just sleep in this.”

“OK.” Zar agreed reluctantly, knowing that if Cas was refusing to battle on it was worse than it looked and pushing was the worst thing to do. “But I do need to redress that wound.”

“Can it wait?” Cas asked, looking more and more tired by the moment.

“It’ll take 5 minutes Castiel and once its done you can rest.”

“Ok.” He sighed heavily.

“There’s only 4 beds.” Claire pointed out as she emerged from the bathroom.

“I’ll share with Castiel.” Zar said simply, but they all knew that meant he wouldn’t be sleeping.

“Who’s taking the couch?” Meg asked

“I’ll take it.” Dean said without hesitation. “Why don’t we,” he gestured to Shaun but addressed Balthazar, “take the girls, go out and get some food, you can get that wound redressed at least and we’ll bring you both something back.” He nodded to Zar and Cas.

“Sounds like a plan.” Shaun agreed.

“Where we eating?” Claire said, sounding interested in something for the first time today.

“We’ll drive around and see whats on offer, anything you want Cas?”

“I’m not sure I can eat Dean.” Cas sighed again.

“I’ll bring you back something easy. Let’s go.”

………………………

They hit the today at 7am the next morning. Getting food into Cas that night had been a pointless endeavour, he’d been too tired to eat but had managed to get through half a sport drink. He’d been practically comatose till about 5:30 but once he’d woken it was clear he wasn’t getting back to sleep, and neither had anyone else so they’d hit the road. After a few more hours sleep, a handful of pain pills and finally some food Cas had seemed to perk up as they approached their final rest stop.

“How far we got?” Claire asked, breaking the near silence that had been in the car the last two days.

“Another 80 miles, so 90 mins maybe less.”

“Thank God.” She moaned in relief.

“Do you want to stretch your legs?” Shaun asked Castiel as he slid out the car. Balthazar had already gone inside and was browsing the alcohol by the looks of things and boy could Dean use a drink after all this driving but looks like he’d have to wait a bit longer yet.

“Not really, but I need to use the restroom.” Cas grunted.

“I’ve got you.” Shaun offered.

“I’m ok, I can stand.” Cas insisted, but regardless he could see Shaun stayed close as Cas slowly limped across the parking lot and into the service station.

Dean took his time grabbing some snacks, glancing longingly at the pie counter, but pie would be difficult to eat while driving and he didn’t want a sticky mess on the seats and in the footwell to clear up later. He’d got a nice selection in his basket when Shaun and Cas reappeared.

“Cas you want anything?” Dean asked. “Got you some stuff already but, you know?”

Cas looked eager to get back to the car and sit, but as he passed a shelf with some honey, he regarded a squeeze bottle that was labelled as sustainably sourced and tossed it into Dean’s basket.

They were all back to the car 10minutes later, Meg was the last to get in, but it had given Dean a chance to get through a sandwich and packet of chips, so he didn’t mind the delay.

“Got you some protein bars.” Dean said, passing the bag into the backseat for Castiel. It contained a couple of sports drinks, Cas’ honey, protein bars, nuts as well as chips and a ham sandwich. He knew Cas would likely leave most of it, but anything to get his strength up at this point.

“How can something be birthday cake flavoured?” Cas grunted, turning one of the protein bars in his fingers and Dean pulled out the lot. “Isn’t the premise of birthday cake that it can be any flavour you choose? I don’t understand.”

Dean grinned. If Cas was grumbling over the inaccuracies in of food packaging, he had to be feeling better.

“Yeah its stupid Cas, but it tastes nice so just shut up and eat it.” Claire grumbled.

Cas did unwrap the protein bar and take a bite, chewing it with his head cocked the size and a considering squint that Dean remembered from high school. Yeah, Cas really hadn’t changed all that much. After a few moments he seemed to decide the offensively titled protein bar wasn’t as bad as it seemed and shrugged, before squeezing some honey out onto the pad of his index finger and sucked it off.

“Hey, no sticky fingers in my car.” Dean said, only half serious. Cas squinted at Dean considering and instead put the bottle to his lips and drank the honey right out of it. Dean snorted and shook his head.

“That’s gross.” Claire scoffed, regarding Cas in the rear-view with a look of disgust.

“It’s actually very nice, would you like some?” Cas said, offering it forward.

“No, dude! You’ve slobbered all over it.”

Cas shrugged again. “As you wish.”

After 2 days of driving in near silence with only his cassette tapes for company, the car finally settled into short spurts of light conversation, with Castiel very much more alert than before. Blood sugar, Dean thought to himself, once they’d got some decent food down Cas he’d perked right up, which was a relief. Dean knew he wasn’t the only one who’d been worried at how he’d been going downhill the past few days and Cas’ better mood was reflected by the blond man in the back seat as the pair had their own hushed conversations that Dean struggled to hear over the babbling women in the front. At least they were finally getting along now.

………………………

“We’re heading south.” Cas said a frown on his face. They’d entered the city limits half an hour ago

“Yeah.”

“That’s near Bobby’s.”

“Yeah that’s where we’re heading Cas.” Dean reminded him.

“I thought you had an apartment.”

“I do, but I figured when they get my name, they’ll go there first. Technically there’s nothing on paper tying me to Bobby, so it’ll take them a while to find us.”

“Of course, sensible… but Bobby and Ellen will be at risk.” Cas argued.

“We talked about this… They’re at risk anyway. Safety in numbers.” Dean explained again, but he knew that wasn’t Cas was hung up. “They’re not going to hate you Cas, they’ll be happy to see you.”

They were greeted by Ellen when they finally pulled into the scrap yard.

“Didn’t take you long.” She greeted Dean with a hug as Meg and Claire stepped out the car. “Hope you weren’t driving too fast?”

“Yeah well, we _are_ on the run Ellen.” Dean chuckled.

“It’s going to be ok.” She assured him with a gentle smile, reading straight between the lines of his false smile. “Dinner’s nearly ready.”

“Meg, Claire, this is Ellen.” Dean introduced.

“Nice to meet you.” Meg said, but her smile was wary. Claire said nothing.

“Let’s show you ladies inside.” Ellen offered, grabbing a bag and leading the way.

“We aint no ladies Mam.” Claire chuckled.

“Neither’s Ellen” Dean threw back, pulling the bags out of the trunk and into the yard.

“Watch it boy.” She warned with a humoured glare back in their direction but continued on her way.

Then it was Bobby’s turn to appear from the garage at the side of the house, wiping his hands with a dirty rag, which he discarded on a crate as he approached. “Boy, what the hell you gotten yourself into this time?” Bobby pulled Dean in with a sigh.

“Nothing good Bobby.” Dean sighed, patting his Uncle on the back twice before pulling away. “I’m sorry I’m bringing this down on your heads.” He said, ashamedly.

“Family fights together Son. You’ve done the right thing.”

“I’m pretty sure the right thing would have been to walk away before I got in way over my head.” Dean scoffed.

“We did warn you,” Balthazar reminded him in a sing song voice as he slid out of the back seat. “Repeatedly as a matter of fact.”

“Yeah, yeah smartass, I know. But baby ain’t a DeLorean.” He huffed. “Bobby, this is Balthazar and Shaun.” Dean introduced as the two men stood up. Attention was drawn to the nearside of the car were Cas hauled himself out gingerly and onto his feet with a wince. “And of course you know Cas.” Dean said, nervously.

“Mr. Singer.” He greeted sincerely, taking a moment to steady himself against the Impala’s bodywork before letting his legs take his full weight. Balthazar seemed satisfied he was stable and moved away to pick up a few bags.

“How many times do I got to tell you Boy, my name’s Bobby.”

“At least one more.” Cas smiled weakly, but then grunted as he tried to take a step.

“What’s wrong Son?” Bobby asked as Dean walked forward concerned.

“Cas?” Dean asked, but he got no response. Cas’ face paled dramatically, and his eyes rolled back into his skull. Cas slumped into the side of the impala. Dean grabbed him before he could hit the floor. “Woah, easy, easy.” Dean soothed as Balthazar quickly took up Cas’ other arm. Cas’ head lolled limply for a moment, before snapping back up as his eyes flickered open.

Blue eyes blinked unfocused Cas back was pulled back to his feet and they started to retake their own weight.

“You good?” Dean asked, his heart pounding with concern as Cas’ eyes tracked back to him, dazed and unfocused.

“I…” Was all Cas managed before his body folded and his limbs went limp.

“Shit, Cas? Cas!” Dean struggled to stop Cas’ limp form from slipping through his fingers

“Come on Cassie, wake up?” Balthazar shook him, panic crossing his features.

“Get him inside quick, downstairs bedroom.” Bobby barked, “What’s wrong with him?”

“Gunshot wound.” Dean said, strained, as he readjusted his grip around Castiel.

“Balls. I’ll get Missouri on the phone.”

“Shaun!” Balthazar called, struggling with Cas’ dead weight.

“On it.” Shaun was already out the car, taking Cas’ legs. “On three.” He nodded to Dean. “One, two, three.” They both lifted and hurriedly followed Bobby inside who was holding the door open for them.

………………………….

It was a very strange feeling, Déjà vu. So much was different yet here he was, Cas, laying in the bed at Bobby’s house he’d stayed in when his Uncle hadn’t been home, but he wasn’t so peaceful now. There was a paleness and a sheen to his skin that didn’t belong as he lay shirtless, ribs raising and falling labouredly, visible under the muscle of his chest. There was rousing him. Castiel was cold and clammy, not burning and fevered. He was so still, so pale which was what Missouri saw when she walked in.

“Is that young Castiel?” Missouri asked, surprised as she looked between Dean and Bobby. She recognised the face, changed by age, but still so familiar. The skinny boy she’d helped so many times had filed out into a man, but here despite his evident strength as a man he looked so vulnerable.

“Yeah.” Dean said weakly, his pleading gaze snapping Missouri into action.

“Well isn’t this a turn up.” Missouri huffed in disbelief. “What are we looking at, Bobby wouldn’t tell me much on the phone.”

“He was shot a few days ago, we’ve been checking the wound for infection Mizz, but he just collapsed half an hour ago.”

Missouri nodded and settled beside Castiel on the bed, eyes trained on the dressing on his side, which she gently removed.

“Who did this? A butcher?” She asked angrily upon seeing the burn.

“Essentially yes.” Balthazar huffed. “He had a GSW to the abdomen, the wound was cauterised with a blowtorch to stop it bleeding out.”

“You do know cauterisation like this is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard?” Missouri scolded.

“A What?” Zar asked confused.

“It is the best we could do at the time. If we hadn’t, he’d have been dead days ago.” Meg huffed, not liking Missouri’s disapproval.

“Well I’m surprised he made it this far.” Missouri grumbled back. “Sheer goddamn stubbornness I’d imagine.”

“That’s Cas.” Dean huffed.

“I had a bad feeling when he was struggling on the car journey.” Zar put his head in his hands. “But he kept insisting he was fine.”

“Again, It’s Cas, what do you expect?” Claire shoot her head, but it wasn’t meant as a reprimand, unable to conceal the worry in her tone.

“Boy always did have an insane pain tolerance.” Missouri mumbled. “He needs a hospital, he might have an infection.”

“But the wound is clean, we checked it a few hours ago.” Zar said, confused.

“The wound is clean?” Missouri scoffed, “the wound is a mess!”

“He can’t go to a hospital. It’s a GSW, they’ll have questions and his brothers…” Zar started.

“His brothers are 20 hours away at least; we can’t let him die!” Dean yelled.

“He’ll be fine, he’ll come around in a few hours…”

“He has 3rd degree burns and if they’re not properly treated can have very serious complications. Sepsis, infection, DVT, hypovolemia… my guess is he’s in hypovolemic shock and if he’s already unconscious its next stop organ failure.” Missouri told them incredulously and the room went silent.

“Can you do anything?” Claire asked desperately.

“His belly is hot.” Missouri hissed, palpating Cas’ stomach around the wound tenderly.

“What does that mean?” Dean asked.

“Possible internal bleeding.”

“Shit… is hospital our only option?” Shaun hissed.

“It’s your only _good_ option yes.”

“I’ll deal with things at the hospital.” A voice had them all turning to the door where Jody walked in, donning her full Sherriff uniform. “Sherriff Jody Mills.” She introduced herself. “Bobby filled me in with what he knows, but I want the full story from you Dean asap.”

“Yes Sir.” Dean nodded, still more concerned about Cas.

“Control this is Sherriff Mills we have a 10-45C at the Singer place, requesting an ambulance urgently.”

“10-45C received. Ambulance is 5 minutes out.”

“You… you can keep this off the record.” Balthazar asked carefully.

“Your friend needs treatment.” Jody said simply. “I’ll keep you all out of trouble, benefits of being in charge round here.”

“Jody, this is risking your job.” Dean warned.

“Well, way I look at it, it’s partly my fault he’s here anyway. I don’t want to let that boy down again.”

“Wait… you knew him before?” Claire asked, confused.

“This is where it all started… or ended, whichever way you look at it.” Zar shrugged.

“We found out a little too late what sort of situation Castiel was in. He slipped through all our fingers and decided he was better off alone. Dropped right off the radar.” Jody explained.

…………………………

Bright light, white walls and a light and floaty feeling in his head was what he came around to. The only thing that told him he wasn’t dead was the far away feeling of pain and the beeping of a heart rate monitor which was growing ever louder. ‘What the…’

“Morning Clarence. Nice of you to join us.”

“Meg?” Cas grunted a little, as the room came into focus. He was alone, besides the blond at his bedside, who’s dark roots were now showing as her natural hair grew back in. “Is this… this is a hospital?” He asked incredulously.

“Bingo.”

“Why am I in hospital?” He jolted, trying to sit up.

“Slow your roll Clarence, you ain’t going anywhere.” She stood up, firmly pressing him back down and despite her small stature, in Cas’ weakened state he had no option but to relent under her surprising strength. “What do you remember?” She asked gently.

“We were in Lawrence.” He grunted.

“That’s it. You got out the car and passed right out. Bobby called this nurse woman over… basically you needed a hospital, the Sherriff sorted it so no one asks any questions.”

“Sherriff…”

“Sherriff Mills, Jody I think her name was, she and the nurse seem to both think they remember you.”

Cas rested his head back and shook it in the pillows. Then he started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t even know. This whole thing is messed up.” Cas said, continuing to chuckle. “What have they given me? I feel great.”

“I’m not surprised, seems you get the good stuff out of surgery.”

“Surgery!” Cas jolted and then grimaced.

“Oh yeah, forgot to mention that part.”

“Meg!”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door and a doctor strode into the room without waiting for a response.

“Ah, Mr. Turner, you’re awake.”

“Kevin!” Cas bolted upright, again forgetting about his wound and held himself up with his elbow behind him.

“What the fuck… Cas?” The doctor stopped dead in the door, looking up from the patient notes and freezing when his eye’s met Castiel’s.

“Do you know everyone in this town?” Meg said incredulously, snapping Kevin out of it a little.

“Apparently.” Cas rolled his eyes

“Easy on the stitches Dude.” Kevin berated. “What the… What the hell is going on, why do I have you down as Steve Turner?”

“Pick a pseudonym, any pseudonym.” Cas sighed.

“I don’t under… you know what never mind, I’m sure I’ll get the full story from Dean later. But, hey kind of glad to see your alive man, we all thought you were dead.”

“Believe me Kevin, its better if you don’t know the full story. It is nice to see you again, however.”

“Well this is the about the last thing I was expecting on this shift.” Kevin chuckled in amazement. “A car smash on the interstate, sure, surgery to remove something that shouldn’t be up someone’s ass, happens an annoying amount, but Cas Novak in my ICU, never would have called that.”

“You became a surgeon.” Cas mused. “Wasn’t expecting that, thought you’d end up being an intelligence analyst or an astronaut or something crazy. You always were a genius.”

“Two words, Asian parents.” Kevin chuckled bitterly.

“Touché.”

“It’s not all bad, pays good and I kind of like it.”

“But didn’t you used to faint at the sight of blood?”

“Yeah, Med school soon put paid to that.”

“Were you my surgeon?” Cas asked

“Oh no, that was Dr. Cao, I just came on shift.” Kevin informed him. “GSW and 3rd degree burns… brought in with hypovolemic shock, internal bleeding and a mild infection. Well, shit.”

“Yes, he’s made a right mess of himself, again.” Meg sighed.

“I’m not going to ask.” Kevin shook his head.

“Wise decision.” Cas huffed.

“Anyway, your vitals are good, blood test results showed no signs of infection, so we got that cleared up. I’ll check your wound and let you get a bit more rest then we’ll give you some of the good pills and get you out of here in a few days.”

“A few days?”

“Clarence cut it out. Shaun and Dean are taking turns outside that door until the doctor tells you, you can leave, so none of your self discharge crap, ok?”

“There’s always the window.” Cas muttered quietly.

“Yeah and it only opens 6 inches, so good luck getting your 6ft ass through there.”

“Do I need to have security posted or something…” Kevin asked frowning in concern.

“No, he just don’t like hospitals.”

……………………………

“Ok, so we’ve got to get some sort of plan in place.”

“What exactly are we expecting? His brother’s? The whole gang? A hit squad?”

“They’ll come themselves. This is personal. Cas is their brother and Dean hurt one of their own, but they could well bring back up.”

“I can inform my officers and keep an eye out for them through proper legal channels, aside from that I feel like we should keep who knows to the smallest circle possible. A lot of people in this town would go into battle for you Dean, but if they come into town asking for you and they try to blow them off, or lie…”

“They’ll get hurt.” Dean finished.

“Yes. And I know you don’t want that.” Jody nodded. “I suggest we set something up in your apartment, so we have an early warning if they end up there. Don’t let anyone know you’re staying here, so if anyone asks for you in town, they’ll get lead where we want them.”

“Then what? Make a stand, get them arrested for assault… if we don’t stop these guys for good then we’re never going to be able to stop looking over our shoulders.”

“When Castiel comes out of surgery I’ll talk to him. If his brother’s really are gang leaders, then I’ll be very surprised if there isn’t already a dozen arrest warrants out for them. We work the case maybe then we can get them put away for good.”

“He’s going to fine right? Castiel?”

“Yes, the surgeon was confident.”

“Just had a text from Meg, he’s awake.” Dean confirmed. “And a thousand texts from Kevin…” He frowned.

“Who’s Kevin?” Shaun asked.

“Part of our friend group from back in the day, he’s a surgeon at the hospital and apparently he’s just found out Cas is his patient.”

“Jesus, its like one massive family reunion in this place isn’t it?” Claire scoffed.

“Yeah well, if one thing Cas knows its that your past always catches up with you.” Balthazar shrugged.

“Yeah, let just hope we have a little bit of time before the Novak part of that past catches up with us.” Shaun said glumly and they all nodded in silence.

…………………………………

“Sammy!”

Dean greeted loudly in the yard, overjoyed to see his little brother. Sam, it seemed, was not so pleased to see him.

“Ow!” Dean screeched as Sam’s fist collided with his nose. “What the hell was that for?”

“For making me sick with worry and ruining my honeymoon!”

“Fair enough.” Dean huffed. “When did you get back?”

“I came straight from the damn airport Dean. Bobby said you’ve got yourself mixed up in some sort of gang war?”

“Where’s Jess?”

“I dropped her at her mother’s house, she’s majorly pissed about it, but I’m not dragging her into, whatever this is.”

“I’m sorry Sammy, I am.”

“Save it Dean. It is was it is. Where is he then?”

“Cas? He’s at the hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“Yeah long story, and we could use your help planning our siege if you fancy it. We can go see him later.”

“OK.” Sam sighed. “Let’s see what can be done to get us out of this mess.”

………………………..

Later that evening a phone rang, which was strange, because they’d not had time to get new phones yet.

“Where’s that coming from?”

“Cas’ duffle.”

“I thought Cas chucked his phone?”

“He did. But he had a whole draw full of them back at his apartment. That and about 12 different ID’s.” Claire explained.

“Should we answer it?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if its them.”

“If we answer it, they can trace it.”

“It won’t be them, Cas wouldn’t have kept anything they could link to him.” Zar reasoned. “So, whatever it is it must be important.” He decided, unzipping the bag and riffling for the phone.

“Yes.” Balthazar answered.

“You’re not Castiel.”

“Crowley?” Zar exclaimed a little loudly, earning him surprised and confused looks from the others.

“Balthazar.” He greeted.

“I was under the impression you were dead.”

“And I’m very much hoping that the reason you are answering this phone isn’t because my mother’s handiwork has failed.”

“Castiel’s alive, just indisposed.”

“Well that’s something at least.” Crowley sighed.

“So… are you going to explain? Raphael and Michael said they burnt you alive.”

“They tried, but do you really think I’m going to build my house without a secret escape door. The bodies they found were just two that we kept in the freezer for such eventualities.”

“So, Rowena’s ok too?”

“Yes.”

“Why have you called?” Zar asked, irately.

“Information.” Crowley said simply. “Michael and Lucifer and still tearing the city apart for you all. But I’m guessing you’ve gotten the hell out of dodge by now.”

“I’m not going to tell you either way Crowley.”

“Wise.” He agreed. “But they’re not going to stop coming for you, they’re more determined now than they ever have been.”

“We guessed as much.”

“No you don’t understand. Raphael is dead. Dean killed him.”

“Right. Ok.”

“Are you going to tell him? Do you think he can handle that?”

“You know him better, you were childhood friends after all.”

“High school enemies Balthy. Not quite the same.”

“We’re going to have to. Thanks Crowley.”

“Destroy this phone, I’ll destroy mine.”

“We know the drill.”

The line went dead.

“Well?”

“The Novak’s are still searching the city, but when they find out where we are its going to be even more ugly than we thought.”

“Balthazar?”

“Raphael is dead.”

“I killed him?” Dean asked, face dropping

“It would seem so.”

“I killed a man.” Dean had gone remarkably pale.

“Wait a minute, you killed someone.” Sam asked, alarmed.

“Its not your fault Dean, it was self-defence… you saved my life.” Claire told him

“Yeah, yeah I just… need a minute.” Dean said pushing to his feet and marching quickly out the room.

“What’s happened?”

“Raphael and Michael had me.” Claire explained. “They were going to torture and kill me for information on Cas, Dean stabbed Raphael so I could get away.”

“Go make sure he’s ok Sam.” Shaun told him, something in his eyes saying that he knew how Dean was feeling right now.

……………………………….

“Dean?”

“Not now Sammy.” Dean sighed as his younger brother found him on the front doorstep.

“Dean please. It’s not your fault.” Sam implored him.

“Sammy, I killed a man!” Dean yelled.

“An evil man.” Sam insisted. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Doesn’t change that fact I’m a killer now.” Dean breathed.

“Dean that’s not true.”

“What’s going on boys?” The front door swung open and Bobby looked over them both with a concerned frown.

“Raphael’s dead.” Sam explained

“Sam!” Dean protested.

“That the fella you stabbed?” Bobby asked.

“Yes.” Dean said glumly.

“You go back inside Sam, help Ellen with lunch.” Bobby instructed.

“But…” Sam started.

“I deal with this.” Bobby insisted and after a moment Sam nodded, conceding and heading inside.

“Bobby…” Dean started once they were alone.

“You listen to me boy. What you did don’t make you a bad person.”

“Don’t go saying it was a good thing Bobby, yes I save Claire’s life but…”

“You’re right Son. It don’t make you a hero neither.” Bobby sighed. “I’ve been where you sit right now son. I remember the first person I felled back in Nam. Its never going to leave you Dean.”

“So, what do I do Bobby? I didn’t even mean to kill him, I just…”

“I know Dean and that’s because you’re not a killer. Not really. But their ain’t no taking it back.”

“I just… I didn’t even think about what I was doing. It never crossed my mind to stab him like I did, but it’s like instinct just took over and it all happened in a flash.”

“That’s war son. And that’s what you’re all going through. You did what you had to do Dean, because you are a fighter. You saved Claire’s life, but you also took one. The difference between you and most is that most wouldn’t feel guilty about ridding the world of someone like Raphael. If even half the stuff I’ve heard about him recently is true he deserved what is coming to him.”

“That doesn’t make it ok.” Dean said softly.

“Maybe it doesn’t, but we believe in you boy. Who you are deep down is a good man Dean, if you can’t see that yourself right now, know that the rest of us do.”

“How do I make this right?”

“There’s nothing to make right Son.” Bobby said firmly. “But you can make it worth it, by making sure no one else gets hurt by these SOBs.”

“Thank you, Bobby. And I will.”

“Just remember you don’t have to do it alone Dean.”

…………………………..

**Author's Note:**

> ONE LINE IN THAT COMMENTS BOX GUYS...  
> hell, one word even, takes second and makes my day. Doesn't have to be a heartful essay (though they are always appreciated.) Just a line to say you liked it, or not is all I need.  
> Thanks for reading.


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